The list of sinners

...Donovan...

Every day has been a battle. Every breath a struggle within myself. Her memories had haunted me endlessly and violently. However, today is one of those days where I am okay. That is how I want to think today, at least. I will pretend that my heart does not ache. I will act as if the pain no longer consumes me like that day. I will convince myself that I am okay, even if it's just for today, because today was the perfect day to take a final action. My final act of love.

I park the car in the courthouse yard. I glance at myself in the mirror and put on a brave face amidst many efforts. I step out of the car, feeling the late June sun pouring down on me. Climbing the courthouse steps, I adjust my suit trying to regain a sense of composure. I knew my emotions had the potential to jeopardize the moment and I couldn't let that happen, at least not now. I meet Cameron inside the courthouse corridor, amidst this sea of faces that he encounters, it seems like he has never seen so many people in this building. As he approaches me, he lightly taps my shoulder.

"Donzo," he says softly. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," I reply shortly.

"I know it must be hard for you today and if you..."

"Cameron... I'm really fine, trust me."

His suspicious eyes don't leave me for a few good minutes. I feel his concern, but I don't want to give him any clue to dictate me. I don't want to ruin anything today.

"After this, are you ready for more battles?"

"It's the same battle, Cameron," I say. "It's just a new enemy."

He nods slightly in agreement.

"Cameron, I want to tell you that I am very happy and proud that you were my partner in this matter," I say as I squeeze Cameron's shoulder.

"Donzo?!" he asks, surprised. "What are these words? Should I start worrying now?"

"Why should you?" I say, putting a smile on my face. "They needed to be said at some point and this was the right moment, I believe."

"It was an honor for me to work with the best in the division," Cameron says, with his eyes shining.

The handshake is not enough, it seems, and he pulls me into a hug. I hold on tight to that embrace, tears filling my eyes, knowing that this was the last time I would be able to hug him.

"Let's go now," I say, pulling away.

We head towards the courtroom. Lawyers, jury members, journalists, and citizens fill the room. Their hushed conversations create a low hum of anticipation. Cameron and I take our place in the witness stand. I can feel the eyes of the onlookers on me. I feel the tension rising and I hold on tight to a deep breath.

But it seems that it doesn't have any effect when a feeling of irritation and disgust envelops the courtroom. From the back, curses and insults are heard as Jonathan Thompson enters the courtroom, a tall and imposing figure, who sits in the defense stand with his lawyer, Raymond Parker. Mr. Thompson exudes an air of arrogance, seemingly pleased with what he had done. For what he had done to my Celia. But today, I had decided to wipe that smugness off his face.

The honorable Judge Robert Mejl enters the courtroom, bringing with him a sense of calm with his presence. With a sharp gavel strike, he commands the attention of everyone present. The defense and prosecution teams stand up in respect, marking the beginning of the trial.

The whole trial was exhausting, a whirlwind of testimonies, evidence, questions, and numerous objections. My fatigue becomes evident as I present detailed facts, but my determination and composure, which I barely manage to maintain, remain unwavering. My monologue is sometimes aided by Cameron's interventions, when I notice my emotional burden. Finally, after several hours, the whole process ends with Cameron's words, conveying a sense of dedication and exhaustion beyond measure after this case, to the audience.

"Your Honor," I say.

"Mr. Mayfire, do you have anything to add?" the judge asks. "The trial is now coming to a close and the jury needs to deliberate."

"I know, Your Honor, but I have one last thing to add," I say. "Believe me, it won't take long."

"Alright, Mr. Mayfire," he says, gesturing for me to speak.

I nod in gratitude for the opportunity the judge has given me, and I direct my gaze towards the murderer. For a moment, it seems like the surroundings fade into the background, leaving me alone with the killer. Seeing him, I feel like we share the same air.

"Mr. Thompson," I say. "Knowing Celia Cardiff well, I know that she would forgive you, regardless of what you did to her."

He starts and smirks, letting his satisfied smile play on his face.

"How foolish of her," he manages to say with irony.

I join Mr. Thompson, laughing. I stretch my smile from one ear to the other.

"Yes... just like the guards who let me keep the service weapon," I say and aim twice at his head.

The sound of the gunshots fills the air echoing in the courtroom as the bullet finds its target. Mr. Thompson's head falls back, marking once and for all the end of terror.

"Everyone must pay for their sins, after all," I say, not at all regretful.

A mixture of screams and confusion engulfs the room as the attendees try to understand what I have just done. I still stand there with the gun in my hand, smoke rising, a mix of emotions where relief seems to prevail.

"You can arrest me now."

I drop the gun to the ground, waiting for the police to come and handcuff me. As I wait, relief leaves room for a sense of satisfaction but at the same time, I also feel sadness. It seemed like a chapter had ended, but the echo of the past continued to linger there forever. My Celia remained frozen in time.

The police do not delay and they grab my arms in cold, metallic handcuffs, the keys jingling in my hands. I see Cameron's face turning away from my action. He runs towards me, through the confused crowd, following the rhythm of the police.

"Wait a minute," he says and throws himself to one side. "Donovan what... what was that?"

"I'm sorry, Cameron, but I couldn't find peace otherwise," I said. "Oh, and something, Cameron. Enjoy your new role as division chief."

"What?"

As I finish the sentence, the police pull me to put me inside the car. The lines of right and wrong blur in confusion as I take pleasure in what I have caused. As they pull me in, I cannot help but feel the smile that has not left me. It's not a smile of joy or pleasure but a distorted reflection of the emptiness that has consumed me. It seemed like the perfect, educated, and immaculate boy had gone. I had turned into a monster seeking destruction, a vessel of vengeance driven to cause pain to those who caused mine. In a way, it seems like I understood my mother and the things she did for love. Now, I truly have become my mother's son. I cannot escape the thought of how Celia would see me in this moment. Would she forgive the monster I had become? I know that she would guide me towards a path of healing and forgiveness, but her voice is lost to me, forever silent. The police shove me forcefully into the car. At least now, I can find some peace. That's how I want you to feel too, Celia, the brightest star in our dark sky.

                                     
                                    🍎THE END🍎