Crush

Suffering

The next days were tough. I want to give Leah time and I also need time to reflect what happened. I know I was super drunk and I can't remember everything that happened but I know that I would definitely never cheat on Leah. Even in my drunkest state I was always aware of her. I was always aware of the fact that she is my girlfriend and that I love her. I didn't cheat. I know it and I want Leah to know that.

At training everyone ignored me. At least no one talked to me. Leah didn't even look at me. I know that everyone knows what happened. Leah definitely told them and I get why. They all hate me. Now they even have a reason for it. I also didn't talk to Leah. I know she isn't ready to talk. She is hurt. She doesn't look good. She was always tired at training and didn't do very well. I can see how this effects her and I hate it. I don't want this to affect her performance. I want to explain it to her. I just hope she will let me.

Today I make my way over to Lia. I know that Leah is staying with her and that is probably the best. I want the best for Leah. I don't want her to suffer the way she is suffering right now. I walk up to the house and try to put words together that I can say when she standing in front of me. I wish I could just take her into my arms. I miss her so much. I didn't think I could miss someone like this. My heart is aching.

I ring at the door and fiddle my fingers while waiting. I'm so nervous. I want to fix this so much. Then the door opens. It's Lia. She lets out a sigh as she sees me.

"What do you want?" She says. I can hear the hate in her voice.

"I want to speak to Leah." I say. Lia lets out a chuckle.

"She doesn't want to speak to you."

"Please, Lia. I know this seems like I cheated but I didn't. I want to explain it to Leah. I want to fix this." I say desperately.

"You can't fix this. Leah is completely broken. You broke her just like everyone expected it. They were all right. I won't let you make this worse."

"I know she is hurt and that is why I'm here. I miss her. I love her. I have never loved anyone like this and I don't want that to be gone. I will fight for her." I say.

"Don't. Just leave it. Leave her alone. She doesn't need more pain. She has been crying every second for a week. Because of you." Lia says louder now. It breaks my heart. I hate that Leah is crying because of me. I never wanted that.

"I'm sorry. Please tell her that I'm sorry." I sigh. This is useless. Maybe Lia is right. Maybe it's really better for Leah if I leave her alone.

"Just stay away from her." She steps back. I can't say anything else. Lia closes the door without another word and again I'm left on my own. I want to fight for this and I know there will come a time where I will get the chance to talk to Leah and explain it to her. This chance isn't today unfortunately.

-

I'm just coming into the dressing room after training. I waited extra long to go inside because I know that no one wants me there. Leah failed miserably during training. I feel so bad for her because I can really see how she is falling apart. I want to fix her.
I open the door and see Katie still at her spot. I immediately want to leave again but that would be pathetic. I just ignore her. I go to my spot and start to change my clothes. I know Katie is fuming. She was not a fan of me from the first second and she always tried to warn Leah about me.

"Are you happy?" She suddenly says as I'm almost done. I knew she would say something. I don't want to fight now.

"I'm not. Stop making it worse."

"I knew you would do this. I told you, stay away from Leah and now look what you did. Did you see Leah? She is completely falling apart and that is your fault. You and your stupid sex addicted brain. You can't be in a relationship. You will never be able to have that. Everyone knew it and still you ruined her. You get to be happy while you leave Leah in shambles." Katie almost yells at me.