can i sleep forever

nine

i wish he wasn't so stubborn i wish he just took the medicine he needed. he would use that money at the casino instead. if he just took that medicine he would still be here. why didn't he just start taking it i wasn't ready to lose him why did he have to be so stubborn.

i was the only grandchild that he really knew. i somewhat remember when my mom and i went to washington because he had a heart attack. he was a grumpy old man with long white hair with a long white beard so to a three year old he was scary. my mom would have me take him his lunch each time i ran back to her with the plate still in my hand.

but one day i didn't go running back my mom noticed after a little. we were in a little apartment she looked into the only room that was my grandpa's. we were sitting on the bed watching cartoons. that's when my mom knew i was his favorite. he never changed what he was watching for anyone.for the next few weeks i was always with him.

when he would call my mom over the years he would always ask about me and would want to talk to me. one year easter was a few days after my birthday. he sent me a birthday and easter basket. my grandpa loved tigers he sent me two of his stuff animals he had since 8th grade sarah and fred.

when we found out in 2022 that his health was doing worse. i didn't know it was at the point of him getting close to dying. i was sitting in the car with my mom as she was talking to one of my uncles on the phone. she was telling him one of the people my grandpa worked with told her he probably only had about a month left. i started crying as i heard her say that i knew he wasn't doing well but not like that.

we decided to drive to washington we left the next week. it was my mom, uncle, my uncle's girlfriend, and i the drive wasn't the finest sixteen hours driving. i missed school for a week. once at his house we decided that he was going to come stay with us so they decided a week to go back to get him and all his stuff. i didn't go for that trip.

he moved in with my parents and  he took my mom's room and her and i shared one. he was with us for some time until he went to my uncles for the weekend and decided to stay. my mom knew that my uncle was just using my grandpa for money so she ended up getting my grandpa's money from him and she bought the stuff he needed. since my grandpa didn't have his money my uncle dropped him off at a nursing home. he was in there for about a week or two before he ended up passing in his sleep. but he stayed with us for months longer than we were originally told.

i have a lot of regrets of things i wish i did. i wish i would have sat outside with him when he was out there. i wish on that fourth of july i didn't stay back at the hotel with my sister and went to the beach to watch the fireworks. i wish i told him i loved him more i wish i spent more time with him when he was staying with us. but i can't turn back time i can't change the things that already happened.