can i sleep forever

twelve

TW!SH, EATING THING

i've started going back to some of my old habits which isn't good. the old habits being not eating, leaving my room, and cutting. the time these were the worse was in 7th grade all of the bullying from 6th was still with me and now the ones from 7th.

i lost friends because of volleyball and the guy i dated. my best friend taylor had started playing volleyball and whenever i wanted to hang out she was playing volleyball. i was fine with that but when i would go with her it was the people she was with. none of them liked me they would say things because of the things i liked and would laugh. and my best friend would laugh along with them and whenever i was say anything back she would get upset.

the guy i dated i was originally friends with him and then i became friends with his friends. i was close to one of his friends she was cool and knew how to draw. but when i broke up with him i stopped talking to his friends. well more like they stopped talking to me. when i ended things with him it was close to the end of the year and the last two weeks of school i never showed up.

when all of that was going on i was skipping meals. i wouldn't get out of bed i had to be forced to get up for school. i would lie to my dad that i wasn't feeling good so that i could stay home. that's also when i started cutting it wasn't bad it was something i didn't do that often.

well that was until 8th grade things at home had gotten so bad i started he involved in my parents arguments. i would go out there and yell at them get yelled at by my mom. go back to my room crying most of the time of their arguments had to do with me. so that made me feel like daughter of the year. it had became a thing of that i would be cutting pretty much every week sometimes every day. but i've been two months clean now and im hoping it will stay that way. i've had time i feel like i need to but i know if i do it will meme me feel even worse.