can i sleep forever

eight

i don't know why i agreed to get back together with him. maybe it's because im lonely or i really convinced myself that i like him. it feels like he only likes and wants to talk when he's feeling lonely. we talk when he wants to. if i massage him he either doesn't respond, says it's not a good time or that he's talking to the boys.

the other day my cousin took my phone and got his number and started texting him. saying that i wouldn't stop talking about him. and that i had been telling her that i wanted to call him. he asked her if he should call me and my girl told him yeah. so he called me and that had to be one of the worst calls.

he was playing some video game cool whatever i already knew he was. but this man was also on a discord call with his friend. and this man the one that called me asked if the had to stay on the call or if he could hang up. sir you are the one that called me you didn't have to.

you could say i was a little upset once we got off the phone i was yapping to my cousin about it. my girl proceeds to text him saying im not good and that bro messed up. he never texted me asking me anything until i made a comment that she told him about. that just so happened to be me say i was going to strangle him in a way he wouldn't like. that's what made him text me asking if i was ok.i should also mention he said that he loved me a little bit before. and he was calling me nicknames like dear,love,babe etc.

after he asked if i was doing ok he called me and bro said he was sorry. and i don't even know how exactly how to explain the rest of the call. one of the things he said was that he wanted to kiss me. some point in the call my cousin and i called him slow. and bro said that i love him when he's slow.

i texted him last night asking if he does actually like me or if he was just feeling lonely and wanted to date someone. since this relationship doesn't feel like one at all. and bro said he does and is sorry for not giving me attention and doesn't know how to start. girl what are you say i might be slow but what does that mean.
i swear i'm no longer going to be bi this man is going to have me being fully gay my goodness. i've also decided that I'm not gonna be there to text him first. if he wants to talk then he can text me first cause i'm not doing that anymore.