can i sleep forever

eighteen

sorry i can't be the perfect daughter. i know that my parents are disappointed in me it's obvious.  i've been comped to my cousins for as long as i can remember. it's always been that one of them was doing something better than me. i needed to do better because what will the family think.

ever since i was in kindergarten things have been said to me. sorry i took me a minute to learn how to tie my shoes and that lilly already knew how. sorry im not doing the absolute best in school. but do you really think you saying that my cousins are smarter than me is going to help.

quite frankly it's going to do the opposite. and you you think i can't hear you when you're talking shit about me in the other room. i'm sorry i can't be the daughter you wanted. it's honestly hard to tell if they even care about me as their kid. it's like the only time they wanna play parent is whenever their mad at me. or if i did something wrong.

you wonder why i don't come out of my room. maybe i don't because i don't wanna deal with your bullshit. you want me to liston to your problems but i can't even talk about some girl bothering me at school. it's hard enough for the rest of my family to treat me like shit. so i really don't need it form my parents.

i wonder if i were to end it all would they even really care honestly would anyone. they didn't notice how i was struggling. and it wasn't like some little change to where you could barely notice it was a big change. it got to the point i was considering smoking so i wouldn't feel anything.i had someone to buy from and everything.

i have more trust in people i met a year ago then in my own parents. honestly then in my whole family. i have more trust in people i've known for a year then the ones i've known my whole life.