The Death of Our Innocence (Dead Plate Swap AU)

Do you get déjà vu?

The very next day.

There was something off about Vincent.

While it wasn't obvious to everyone else, Rody could sense it. He was aloof. Strangely distant. Zoning out often, whereas he would normally be very much present and ready to tackle any issue during his shift.

He was preoccupied, that was for sure. As though he was going over something in his head time and time again, trying to find a solution to a problem of colossal stature.

And then, there was the way he'd look at Rody, even when the man wasn't staring back. His eyes fraught of a muffled pain he simply could not put into words. Guilt. Grief.

"Hey, Vince, what's the matter? I can tell you aren't well."

Rody's voice filled him with shame. The love in the pools of his light-colored eyes gnawing at his conscience. Here Rody was, after a tiring shift, checking up on him whilst Vincent was thinking of betraying him again. Of selling him out for his own gain.

How am I going to do this? I don't think I can. I don't want to. It's going to kill him. It will ruin everything.

But if I don't do this, then my life will be ruined. Mother is right. I cannot run forever. I can never be free without painting a giant target on my back. Everything I've worked so hard for.. I don't want to lose that forever.

But...

Vincent lets out a heavy sigh. He cups the side of Rody's face, an unreadable expression settled over his angular features. He tries his best to memorize the other man's warmth. Each and every little freckle and mole etched upon his tan skin. Every speck of green splattered against the grey iris of his eye.

He has to be the one who is strong. He cannot afford to break. He had already made up his mind last night after the meeting with his family, during the long hours when sleep could not reach him.

You would lose everything, too. I know you don't understand this. I know you think we can go against the world-- but we can't. We don't have the power to go against the entire world unscathed.

"I'm alright, Rody," He lies through his very teeth. He knows Rody isn't one to buy his cheap fabrications. He knows Vincent all too well for that, and so he visibly hesitates when he hears those words.

"But.."

"I just need to rest a little." Vincent tries to reassure him, thumbs gently brushing against Rody's cheekbones.

It is obvious his lover is not quite convinced by his half-hearted attempt at reassurance, brows furrowing skeptically. A moment of thoughtful silence follows, one which is eventually broken by a small sigh as Rody decides not to push it further. He doesn't want to be overbearing, remembering how that behavior cost him Manon.

"Alright.." He mutters reluctantly, peering at Vincent through the curve of his brown lashes. "Will you come tonight? Or I can come if you want."

Vincent's heart tightens.

I'm so sorry. I can't be the man you want me to be. We were doomed to fail from the start.

I will do what is right. I know you won't understand. But I'm doing this for both of us. I'm doing it to protect us. To protect you. I hope a day comes when you will understand my reasoning.

"No. Not tonight." He replies, trying his best to combat the guilt that bubbles up within his chest and wraps around his jugular into a vice grip. "I need my alone time. You know me."