A Nice Guy

14

She goes on to tell me I raped her in the bathroom that first time we fucked. I can't even believe what I'm hearing, but I listen, trying my best not to interrupt. She tells me I nearly did the same in Jess' bedroom. And then, the second time, when she invited me over so that she could talk to me, since I was ignoring her messages. You know, when she was kissing my neck and rubbing my fucking dick through my pants. Yeah, it's just as confusing for me, bud.

She skips over the night we fucked on our friend anniversary, of course. Why would she mention that? But yeah, she skips over that night and tells me new years I raped her on the patio. Mind you, she never told me no on any of these occasions. Never protested, always let me finish in her while she watched me push my dick deep inside. She fucking loved it, and now I know it's because she wanted me to get her pregnant. But now, of course, she's feeling guilty and needs someone to blame.

I hang my head and stare at the floor. "I'm sorry, Hazel. I never realized..." I let my voice trail off. My ears are ringing, my body is fucking shaking with nerves and dread. And most of all, rage. But fuck, I'll say sorry. I'll say it'll never happen again. But it wasn't rape. And I know that, and she knows that. I'll take the hit though, to make her feel better about her cheating on her husband. "What can I do, Hazel? What do you want me to do?" I give her this pleading look. Like I'm fucking begging her to let me make this right. Because I want to, in a way. So we never have to mention it again.

She just looks at me. Right in the eyes. Doesn't say anything for a while. "I don't know, Alex. I just...I guess I just wanted you to admit to it—address it at least. Acknowledge that it actually happened, and I'm not crazy for feeling so shitty about it."

I nod my head. "I understand. I'm an idiot for not realizing—"

"—you expect me to believe you didn't realize? Really?" She cuts me off. Oh yeah, she wants me to beg for forgiveness. Get on my knees and fucking cry.

I stand up, unable to contain myself any longer. "What was there to fucking realize?! We fucked, you regretted it, the cycle kept repeating over and over again, and now you're feeling guilty so you're going to pin the blame on me. This isn't fair, Hazel." I take a shaky breath. "I apologize for whatever I've done, I do. If I knew my actions were hurting you in any way Hazel you know I would've stopped. Tell me you know that."

She slowly nods her head, her eyes unable to meet mine. "Yeah, I mean. I guess I know that—"

"—So don't ever say that shit again."