A Nice Guy

23

She doesn't move away from me. She just stays there; leaning across the table, inches from my face. I'm frozen still. Confused, because I'm hard as ever, but also scared. Shocked. Fucking enraged. Accusations are one thing, but telling someone I raped her is something completely fucking different.

"Are you going to say anything, Alex?" She asks, but it's more of a whisper. A teasing little whisper. Like she's fucking mocking me, but I don't care because her voice sounds sexy when she does it and she's got my dick twitching in my pants.

I bite my cheek. No, I'm not going to say anything. Anything that I say can and will be used against me, so I'm going to sit here and shut the fuck up. I shake my head no. Obviously the apologies meant nothing to her. Me begging for her forgiveness was really just a form of entertainment and nothing more.

She can see the hurt in my eyes but she just pouts her lips, as if to say womp fucking womp. "Well, I'll explain anyways. She wanted to know when the affair started, and the way I explained it seemed to really concern her," she tells me. "I'd been so manipulated into thinking it was a mistake, a misunderstanding, that somehow I gave you the wrong impression, that I didn't think it was a big deal." She pauses, holds my chin in her hand. "You hear me, Alex? I thought being raped by you wasn't a big deal."

And just like that, my dick is limp. Fuck this. She thinks I'm going to willingly sit here and listen to this bullshit? I quickly snatch my phone off the table and stand, letting my chair loudly scrape the floor as it drags against the tile. I exit the building, knowing she's just going to follow me to my car anyways. Wait. I can't let her see my new car. I turn around, letting her catch up to me instead. She's grinning like a maniac.

"What's wrong? Let me finish," she laughs. I think to myself, I have let you finish. A few times, actually. This isn't the same. This is letting you finish fucking harassing me. But I stand there, ears perked and ready. "She told me that I shouldn't sleep with you anymore, because you're still just taking advantage of me. She told me I let you fuck me because it's a trauma response or something, I don't know. It doesn't really matter though because I defended you," she tells me through gritted teeth. "I defended you, because I'm in love with you. So she left, said she couldn't deal with me acting like this."

She's crying now. She wipes away her tears as quickly as they fall, but it doesn't make it any less fucking heartbreaking to watch. "So basically, I'm just really depressed right now, and I know Derrick knows somethings going on, but he refuses to ask. He just keeps giving me space because I'm sure he thinks he's the problem." She covers her face with her hands, bawling into them.

For a few seconds I let her cry into her hands, just watching her. Not knowing what to do, what I'm allowed to do. But I cave. I hesitantly wrap my arms around her, hugging her. Attempting to comfort her in some way. I run my fingers through her hair, thinking to myself, here we go again. I can never make it right, can I? Of course not, because it wasn't all me. She refuses to take her share of the blame so therefore she will never be able to accept the situation for what it is. She'll only be able to blame me for it, insisting I raped her so it's entirely my fault.

I wonder how many times we'll have to go through this cycle? Am I willing to keep apologizing for something so ridiculously untrue? And what happens if Angel decides to do something with this information? God, I've got to start putting myself first sometimes. Prioritize my needs and wants for once. Otherwise I'm going to end up in fucking jail.

She's been in my arms for maybe two minutes now. I'm whispering in her ear that I'm sorry, over and over again, because that's all I can think of to say to her. I want her to forgive me, I do. I want her to put all of this in the past and move forward. I want to figure out what our next move should be.

Personally, I think it should be her moving in with me. She should leave Derrick and let me take care of her and our child. Obviously he doesn't know how to take care of her properly, otherwise she wouldn't be letting me hold her in my arms like this. The people in her life clearly aren't doing enough for her if she's coming right back to the fucking monster that I apparently am.

I softly kiss her head. "I'm sorry about what Angel said, by the way. You have every right to feel the way you feel. It's no one's business, not even mine." That's a lie, though. How she feels is entirely my fucking business; she's mine. Or, she will be. One day.

And to be completely fucking honest, I'm glad she's been practically abandoned by her own sister. Sure, it's pretty messed up, but that just helps me get closer to her. She'll realize pretty soon that I'm all she has, right after Derrick finds out about us. How he'll find out is still in the air, but it's bound to happen. I'll make sure of it.

Anyways, we finally let each other go. She straightens herself up, thanks me for letting her talk about what's been going on, as if I'm not right in the middle of it all. It's amusing; the way she resets after she goes off on me. Like she instantly regrets picking a fight with me. It's understandable. I'm exactly what she needs, and she knows it.

So, on the drive back to my place, I light a cigarette and make a phone call.