legacy

liar liar, pants on fire

i'm a very light sleeper. probably from all the years i've slept with a baby monitor next to my head. or kids crawling in my bed asking to sleep with me after having a nightmare. so when i felt a hand wrap around my mouth while i was asleep, my eyes instantly shot open.

the ones that met me back were piercing blue. the kind of blue that i could identify anywhere. i blinked my eyes a few times just to see if i was still dreaming or not. the piercing, blue-eyed person quickly put their finger over their lip, telling me to be as quiet as possible, and then motioned for me to follow them.

when my feet touched the floor i realized i wasn't dreaming. this was real and i wasn't quite sure how. i looked behind me and noticed colby's empty side of the bed. he went back on the road while i took a few weeks off to get the kids comfortable in the new home. you see where that's gotten me now.

"pack a bag for yourself and the kids. we don't have much time." the blue-eyed person said to me. the accent was heavy and distinct. i'd know it anywhere. but still, how was this real?

"i-i need to call colby." i said, reaching for my phone. but the person grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

"you cannot call him. i'll explain it in the car. we just need to hurry." the person said. i nodded and went over to my dresser and started pulling things out and shoving them into my suitcase. i trust this person. i know this person. i pray they would never try and hurt me. and i need to know how the fuck they got here.

the person and i quickly packed everything we needed for the kids and piled them into the car. luckily everyone stayed asleep. i hopped in the passenger seat and the person got into the driver seat next to me. next thing i knew, we were on the road. and that's when reality set in.

"no, no. this isn't right. i need to talk to colby." i said as tears brimmed my eyes. i felt a hand on my thigh and looked over at the person. my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.

"it's going to be okay. i'm going to explain everything." i heard the person say.

"how the fuck are you here right now, fergal?" i asked him as i watched him drive down the highway. how the fuck is fergal devitt sitting in front of me right now.

"it's...i have a lot to explain. but god am i happy to see you." fergal said as he took my hand and placed a kiss to the back of it. how can he be so calm? how can he act like this isn't insane?

"i-i watched you die. i watched them take the tube out of your mouth and you take your last breath. i watched it all. you have a tombstone." i choked out between sobs.

"i know. i can explain everything. and i'm so grateful for how you've taken on the role of being a mom to all of the kids. i can never repay you. but i'm going to try." fergal said.

"why can't i call colby? he's going to be worried sick about us." i sniffled. fergal scoffed as he looked over at me. it was the first time i really got to take in what he looked like again. his hair was freshly cut, always a bit scruffy and laid down to his head. his beard was clean and trimmed. he looked so healthy. the last time i saw him, he was dying in a hospital bed. is it still possible to be dreaming?

"i just need you to trust me. please." fergal said as he rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand. i took a shaky breath as he pulled into the driveway of a house; which i'm assuming is where he's been for the last year and a half. fergal and i got the kids into the house and put to sleep. it was a really nice house. easily had to be 7 bedrooms. i'm honestly not sure how the kids have slept through all of this mess. after getting the kids settled, fergal led me into what i can only imagine is suppose to be our bedroom.

"fergal..." i said as he grabbed my hands. i want to trust this. i want to hug and kiss him and everything be okay. i want to trust he's not going to fake his death. but another part of me belongs to colby. what happens when he comes home and sees the kids and i have left without even calling him first? i've given the last few months of my life to him. he's been a dad to my kids. i love him. but fergal...he's fergal.

"i know. i know this is hard and confusing and im so sorry for that." fergal said. "i didn't want to leave you guys. but i had to go into hiding to protect you guys." he explained. i furrowed my brows at the last part of his sentence. he had to die to protect us?

"what do you mean?" i asked him. he sighed as he sat down on the bed and i sat down next to him. "colby isn't who you think he is. he's been trying to get with you since we even got back together. he confessed his feelings for you to me when he came over to visit mason, after vero passed. he wanted my blessing to pursue you. when i said no, he dug into my past and found something to blackmail me with." fergal said.

i searched his face for any signs of joking but there was none. was he telling the truth? could colby have had this master plan all along? and what happens if fergal is lying? how do i even ask colby what's true and what's not without looking accusatory?

"why didn't you tell me? we could've handled it together." i said. fergal just shook his head. "i couldn't. he threatened to hurt you and the kids if i told you. i couldn't face myself if one of you got hurt. so i went into hiding." fergal said as i felt the tears that brimmed my eyes fall down my face.

what even is real at this point? was his cancer real? was what he's saying right now real? i need to talk to colby. i need to get to the bottom of this.

"what about your cancer? i watched you suffer." i said as i wiped my tears off my face. "it was real. but it wasn't as serious as that doctor made it out to be. i pulled a few strings at the hospital to make it looked like i passed to get colby off our case. and then he swooped in and got you. i just couldn't live any longer knowing he had you and the kids. i love you pamela. i can't live this life without you." fergal said as he put his hand on my cheek. the tears were pouring down my face at this point.

"you left me. you left us. i was in hell before colby picked me up. i wasn't surviving without you, fergal. what the fuck could colby have on you that was so bad?" i questioned. fergal sighed. "i...i wasn't the best guy to vero towards the end. the night she had mason and passed...we got in a fight. and i hit her. she passed out and i felt awful. it wasn't the reason she passed but colby knew. i called him in a panic. he also knew if you found out that you wouldn't trust me around the kids or yourself. and he used that against me." fergal said with tears in his eyes. i wiped his tears away as i sighed.

"we need to go to sleep. it's been a long night. i need to talk to colby in the morning." i said as fergal nodded. i crawled into the bed as fergal crawled into the other side. i felt his arm drape around me and i felt myself sink into his touch. my brain feels foggy. i don't know what or who to believe. i need to hear colby's side. but i am grateful fergal is back. i've missed his touch, his face, his everything. the kids have too. they'll be confused at first and then so excited. we just need to take everything one step at a time.