legacy

bleeding love

i didn't know a week could be as long as the one i'm suffering through. it's been a week since i came home. a week of fergal and i barley speaking unless it had to do with the kids. a week of sleeping on the couch. a week of feeling like my entire world is crumbling beneath me.

when he's not on the road, fergal locks himself in his office or is with the kids. i'm not sure if it's because of this impending custody case with vero's family or that he just doesn't want to see me. not that i really want to see or speak to him either. i just feel trapped inside my own home.

luckily the girls are still coming over and helping me out with the kids when fergal isn't here. becky tried talking to him but she said he just shut her out. i'm just too exhausted to fight with him anymore. besides watching all the kids, being 37 weeks pregnant, trying to put the finishing touches on the nursery, and trying to take care of myself...i don't have any fight left in me that's reserved for fergal.

i heard wheels rolling down the hallway as i looked up from my phone. i watched as fergal entered the kitchen with his suitcase behind him. "morning." fergal said as he noticed me sitting at the kitchen island. i glared at him for a second before turning my attention back to my phone.

"becks coming over later?" fergal asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee. "yeah." i huffed, not taking my eyes away from my scrolling. "we still need to get the finishing touches on the nursery done." fergal remarked. i glared over at him before setting my phone down on the island. "okay, i'll be right on that in between the diaper changes, my aching back from carrying your child, cleaning the house, and dropping off and picking kinsley up at school." i said with a roll of my eyes.

"you know what i meant. we can work on it when i get home tuesday." fergal said as he leaned back against the counter and looked at me. i think this is the most we've spoken all week. "whatever. just have the guys come over." i replied. "you don't wanna help?" fergal asked with an eyebrow raise.

"it's not that i don't want to help. it's more so i don't want to get attached in case your precious little prenup gets that taken away from me too." i snapped. "oh my god, get the fuck over this already! it's a fucking piece of paper, pamela!" fergal yelled at me. "if you think it's just a piece of paper, then maybe we shouldn't even get married. it's just a piece of paper after all." i said as i stood up off my seat and crossed my arms across my chest.

"that is not the same fucking thing at all and you know it." fergal said as he mimicked my pose. "i don't care enough to fight with you anymore. why don't you just go fuck marissa some more! you're really good at that." i said before beginning to walk away. but of course fergal grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him.

"can we just stop fighting. i hate this, the kids hate this. we should be happy. this is a happy time." fergal said as he went to touch my stomach. "don't fucking touch me." i said as i swatted his hand away. that's when i felt a sharp pain strike through my back. i crinkled my face up as my hand flew to my back.

"are you okay? is it time?" fergal asked me with concern in his voice. "yeah. time for you to get the fuck on the road. i'll see you on tuesday." i said as i slowly walked out of the kitchen and plopped myself down on the couch.

i know labor pains, these aren't it. these are "my children's father has put so much stress in my body that it's about to give up" pains. thank god for my horsewomen for being able to help me. i heard the door open and shut, signaling that fergal had left. i took a deep breath and almost let myself relax when i heard little footsteps run down the hall.

"mommy! breakfast!" adalyn yelled as she crashed into the couch. "well good morning to you too." i said as i pulled her up onto the couch next to me and she snuggled in next to me. "did daddy leave already?" adalyn asked. i shook my head as she sighed. "i wish he didn't leave so much." she said with a sigh. "i know sweetheart. i know what will cheer you up...want some pancakes?" i asked her. a huge smile grew on her face as she nodded her head.

after cooking breakfast for everyone and getting all the kids awake and at the table, i let myself just sink into my dining chair. i wish i knew where everything went wrong but i truly don't anymore. maybe it's my insecurities and fears about the past but...don't i have a right to be scared? if fergal can up and fake his death for two years then why shouldn't i be scared of marrying him again?

i felt tears rush to my eyes as the kids talked amongst themselves. i don't wanna be fighting with fergal. it's exhausting, emotionally and physically. it just feels like the universe is constantly working against us. first it was colby, now it's the prenup, what's next? an earthquake?

actually, yes. i felt the ground start to shake beneath me and pulled my face up. the kids all looked at me confused as things started to fly off of our walls. "under the table! now!" i yelled at kinsley, mason, emilee and addie. as kinsley quickly helped her siblings get under the table, i worked on getting finn and alex out of their high chairs.

after i got them unsnapped and under the table, i heard one of the paintings from the wall behind me fall from its hook. before i could move out of the way, the heavy frame hit me directly in the head. "fuck!" i screamed as i grabbed my head and fell to the ground. "mommy! are you okay?" i heard kinsley scream from under the table.

i opened my eyes and my vision had already started to go blurry. i quickly pulled myself under the table with what little energy i had left and the kids all grabbed onto me. "it's okay guys. it's almost over." i said as i held them with my free arm, my other still holding my head. "mommy, you're bleeding." adalyn said. "i know. a frame hit me in the head." i sighed.

"no, your shorts." she said as she pointed to my legs. i looked down to notice my pajama shorts were indeed covered in a deep red shade. "no, no, no. not right now." i cried out. i felt the ground stop shaking as my vision continued to get blurrier. "kins, run and get my phone and call daddy. please tell him to turn around or call aunt becky." i said to her. she ran out from under the table and i suddenly found it hard to keep my eyes open. and that's the last thing i remember.