legacy

all you need is love

I looked around the crowded restaurant as I picked at the salad in front of me. Conversations happened all around me but I couldn't focus on one. My mind seems to be on overdrive, as per usual. I looked at the ring that sat on my finger and sighed. It's been two weeks since Colby proposed to me and I still haven't given him a solid answer. He isn't pressuring me but I don't know if I'm ready for such a big step. I just wish I knew what to do.

"So, do you want to tell us about that hunk of metal on your finger?"

Ashley asked me, knocking me out of of whatever daydream I was entranced in. I looked down at my engagement ring as I sighed and placed my fork down.

"So, Colby proposed."

I said as I tried to rub away the goosebumps that suddenly appeared on my arms.

"That's a little soon, don't you think?"

Mercades asked me as she took a sip of her water.

"Yeah. I haven't given him an answer yet. It's been two weeks but I just don't know what to tell him. My heart is just very confused."

"Well, you're still wearing the ring. Your heart can't be that confused."

Ashley said as Mercades shrugged her shoulders.

"I just don't want to make the wrong choice again. I can't bare to lose someone else. If I marry someone, I want him to be my forever. Not just someone who will eventually leave me down the road."

I said.

"Listen, only you know what the right answer to the question. But, here's some tough love for you. You need to stop giving a shit about what Fergal and Becky would think. Fergal is gone. Becky is bitter. You have a life and you have every right to live it. I think you should go for it, as long as he makes you and the kids happy and treats you guys right."

Mercades said. I looked over at Ashley who was nodding her head in agreement.

"Thanks guys. I think I know what I'm going to do."

I said with a shy smile.

+

"Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know."

I sang as I rolled a piece of grass between my thumb and index finger. I looked up to see the large headstone as tears rolled down my cheeks. I had to come see Fergal before making this choice. I know I shouldn't, but I still wish I had a sign from him. I want to know that he's okay with me moving on. I can't live with the burden of disappointing him.

"I miss you Fergie."

I said as I wiped my tears away.

"I can't believe it's almost been a year. It's been the hardest year of my life."

I sniffled.

"I hope you're still looking down on the kids and I. I try my hardest to make them happy. And I'm sure you know why I'm here. I just want to be happy again Fergie. And I know that I'll never be truly happy until you are back in my arms but...maybe Colby can give me a chance at some happiness? And I just want to know that you're okay with it."

I cried. Almost on command, I felt something land on my knee. I looked down to see a small butterfly sitting on my pants. I smiled as I wiped my tears away and let the butterfly come onto my finger.

"I love you Fergie. Thank you."

I whispered to the butterfly. It sat on my finger for another minute before it flew away. It feels amazing to finally have some kind of sign that Fergal is still here and wants me to be happy with Colby. Although it will never be the same then when it was with him, I'm excited for this next a chapter.

+

"Colby?"

I called as I removed my key from the lock and closed the door behind me. Funny how he can put a ring on it and yet we don't even live in the same house yet. I walked through Colby's apartment as I looked for any sign of him.

"Colby? Baby?"

I asked as I walked into bedroom. I smiled as I saw Colby fast asleep in the middle of the bed, one of Mercades and I's matches on his TV. I turned the TV off and shook Colby.

"Baby, wake up."

I whispered in his ear. Colby opened his eyes and smiled at the sight of me. Next think I knew, he pulled me onto the bed with him.

"I've missed you."

Colby said as he kissed me and wrapped his arms around me.

"I've missed you too. I've gotta tell you something."

I said as I stared up at the ceiling.

"And what's that?"

"I wanna be your wife."

I said with a smile as I turned my head to face him.

"So is that a yes?"

"It's a yes. I can't wait to be Mrs. Lopez."

I said as I cupped Colby's face and kissed him. It's so weird knowing that I finally have the blessing I've been craving from Fergal. I hope he is looking down on me and is pride. I hope he knows that I will always do what's best for our family we created. And now we're taking the next step in life. And I wish Fergal was here with the kids and I but I'm just glad that I found someone who makes me feel happy and loved. So, here's to the new life. Let's hope it's great.