legacy

die with a smile

fergal's pov

i felt my heart race out of my chest as i slammed my car door shut and ran towards the front door. all i can remember is hearing kinsley's scared voice. her scared voice telling me that something is wrong with pam and the baby. my eight year old daughter should never have to call me with that much fear in her voice.

i ran into the house and immediately heard quiet sobs coming from the living room. i walked into the room to see kinsley wrapped up in my mum's arms while ashley held the other kids. i was about an hour away when kinsley called so i called anyone that i knew could get there before i could, my mum, ashley, becky, mercedes...i called everyone. anyone.

"daddy!" kinsley yelled as she picked her head up and met my gaze. she ran out of my mum's arms and right into mine. "hey baby. you okay? i know the earthquake was scary." i said as i checked all around her body for any signs of injury. "i'm okay. mommy got us under the table before anything fell but a painting hit her. i think her and the baby are hurt." kinsley sniffled. "yeah, i know. i'm gonna go check on them so stay here with grandma and aunt ashley." i said as she nodded.

i walked into the dining room to see mercedes and becky both kneeling next to pam. mercedes' face was tear stained as she held pam's hand next to her face. becky, of course being the calmer of the two, was on the phone with 911. "has she woken up at all?" i asked as my eyes scanned her body. the pool of blood underneath pam's head somehow wasn't as worrisome as the pool of blood accumulating under her torso. they just need to be okay. please be okay.

"no. her pulse is weak. she's losing a lot of blood." mercedes sniffled. "how far is the ambulance?" i asked becky. "about to pull in." becky said as i nodded. i knelt down next to pam and took her other hand into mine. i placed a kiss to the back of her hand as i placed my other on her stomach. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry for everything i've said and done but you just have to be okay. i can't do it without you. i'm not as strong as you." i pleaded with pam as tears gathered in my eyes.

every insult, every woman i fucked in random cities, every ounce of pain i left pam with for the last two years flooded my memory. i put pam through the worst and she still was willing to marry me and have my babies. and i just treated her like shit. i treated her like dirt under my shoe. and that all stops today.

as the paramedics rushed into the house, they moved becky, mercedes, and i out of the way and we were just huddled in a corner of the small room. thankfully it had a door so we were able to shut it and lock it so the kids didn't accidentally see anything. i looked over to mercedes and noticed her blood stained hands shaking.

"mercy?" i asked her as a million thoughts raced into my mind. "yeah?" she sniffled back, not taking her eyes off of pam. "how did pam find out about marissa?" i asked her, keeping my eyes locked on pam in the same manor. i could feel both rebecca and mercedes' eyes fall onto me as i kept mine locked on pam's lifeless body.

"i told her. you don't get to just leave my best friend for two years and fuck whoever you want without her knowing." mercedes snapped at me. i clenched my jaw as i turned my head to look her in the eye. "for once in your life, maybe butt the fuck out of pam and i's relationship. worry about your own." i snapped back. "i wouldn't have to worry about you and pam if you knew what being a man was." mercedes said with venom in her voice.

"hey! are you two serious right now?!" becky scolded us as we turned our heads to face her. "this is your fiancé and best friend sitting here in a pool of her own blood. she doesn't need the two of you arguing over who told who about whatever. she needs your support. and so do those kids, fergal. so grow the fuck up. both of you." becky snapped before crossing her arms across her chest and turning her attention back to the scene in front of us.

she has a point. of course she has a point. it's childish for me to attempt to fight with mercedes over my own actions. and maybe there's just a piece of me that wishes i had someone else to blame for this. but i don't. this one is all on me.

+

seven hours. that's how long it's been since kinsley called me. i've spent three of them in the exact same chair i'm sitting in now. rebecca sat on my left, running her hand through her bright orange hair, and mercedes sat on my right, anxiously typing updates to ashley on her phone. except there are no updates.

no one's told us a single thing about pam or the baby. i can't remember the last time i felt just so utterly empty. like my soul had been sucked from my body. "family of pamela devitt?" i heard a voice ask as all three of us as we stood up. she never changed her name back. she. never. changed. her. name. back.

"that's me. i'm her fiancé." i said as i nervously wiped my hands on my pants. it feels so weird to know that even though she shares my name, we aren't technically married. after faking my death, the government has pam listed as a widow. i just want to be able to call her my wife again.

"well, we were able to get her head stitched up. we did some testing and she seems to have a slight concussion. the baby is okay but we do think the bleeding was because of stress put onto her body. we wanna place her on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy." the emergency room doctor explained. i nodded as i felt becky lovingly rub my arm. thank god we have the best friends in the world.

"can i see her?" i asked as i anxiously fiddled with my hands. the doctor nodded before leading me down a long hallway and into a small room. i let out a breath i didn't even know i was holding in as i looked over pam's body. i'm just so glad they're alright. i walked over to her bedside and put her hand into mine. i saw her start to stir and her eyes slowly start to open.

"fergal? w-what happened?" she asked. "there was an earthquake, baby. the kids are okay but you got hit in the head by one of the paintings in the dining room. then you started bleeding really heavily. kinsley called me so i sent my mum and the girls over." i explained to her. "oh gosh, i feel awful. kinsley shouldn't have had to see that." pam said as tears filled her eyes.

seeing her cry made my heart sink to my stomach. this isn't her fault. none of it is her fault. "shhh, don't cry baby. this is not your fault. you couldn't help getting hurt. everyone is okay. you're okay, the baby is okay, the kids are a little shaken up but they're okay." i said as i placed a kiss to the back of pam's hand. "the doctors do want you to be on bed rest for the rest of your pregnancy though." i told pam.

"what?! how am i supposed to take care of all of the kids on bed rest?!" pam asked in a panic as she attempted to sit up. "shh, lay down. i'm gonna take my paternity leave early. i'll be home every day with you guys. it's not fair you've had to basically do it alone this whole time and i'm sorry." i said as i ran my hand through her hair. pam nodded her head as she settled back into bed. "i'm really tired." pam said as she turned her head to look at me.

"get some sleep. i love you. both of you." i said, placing a kiss to her forehead. "we love you too." pam said before falling back asleep. today is the day i change everything about our relationship. whatever pam wants or needs, she's going to have. i'm going to be the best fiancé she's ever seen. even if it takes me till the end of time.