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ᥫ᭡。
THE sun has set, telephone poles and wires still lines the street in which we stood. When night fell, the stars didn't come out only light rain. I contemplated leaving him there and heading home to cry more tears but I couldn't take myself away from him. It was my own doing. I couldn't bother to deny it, and I cried out of the truth of the matter. Could this be fixed? I thought of anything but nothing came into my mind. It's now nine o'clock, I have to go to school tomorrow.
"I have nothing to say because I know you are right. I know what I want Dallas, you know too but I'm scared. It's not about trust, I consider you one of my closest friends. It's what happened if I do, and what will happen if I won't" my hair was now wet, my toes and feet ached in my heels. He looked around up to the sky mainly, his hair was wet now too. His beautiful brown eyes looking into my own, all I needed in that moment was to see him, to feel him, and to know he was still right there. He hadn't left like he was going to.
"What's the risk in tryin'?" He questioned. The risk was my thoughts consuming me and the relationship itself. How could I forgive myself for not giving him a chance? How could I forgive him for breaking my heart? "You leaving Dallas, I can't bare to watch another go" He didn't deny it, or tell me other wise because he knew the risks too. He still hated the world, he was still bitter, he was still rough around the edges. For the moment he was here, and that was something worth trying for. Hesitantly, he engulfed me into his embrace that I seemingly fell into.
"You are the only girl I've been serious with... you know, a girl that I would try for" I understood what he meant; he would chase me till he couldn't chase any longer, that he would be there regardless. I felt the same way, I could never let myself go from Dallas. I stayed silent, I didn't want to talk anymore, I just wanted to feel. Rain ran down my face in droplets as I looked up to Dallas. His eyes staggered when he looked into mine. A few glances down to my lips made me lean into him, tasting the same familiar touch like I felt last night. "Okay...Dallas" I said a small smile forming on both of our lips before we kissed once again.
"Cmon, I'll walk you home."
...
The walk home wasn't awkward at all. We talked about Johnny and then how the two of us needed to pay off Buck's tab to which I received an eye roll and an 'I'll pay it later'. I didn't know too much about Johnny himself since he kept himself quite conserved. I got word from Ponyboy a little while back that his parents mistreat him and his dad often beats him, which made my heart pain. I knew Johnny wasn't a bad person and I often thought about letting him live at my house. I wondered if that would make a difference because if one day his parents came around and figured it out, that wouldn't be pretty. I decided not to get myself involved and to just not talk about it to Johnny.
Time when by quick, not even realizing it we found ourselves almost walking past my house. I knew my dad wouldn't be too happy with a change in routine, and that dinner wasn't made as he came home from work, but I knew he could fend for himself for one lousy night. The night sky was black and the wind chilled my body surpassing my denim jacket; goosebumps rippling up my legs. I walked up the steps and stood on my porch, turning and making direct eye contact with Dally, the soft sound of his boots that clicked up two of the steps. He watched me earnestly with a cigarette hung on his lower bottom lip. Wisps of my blonde hair blew with the wind as did his own brown hair drying with the wind of the disturbing after-storm.
I wanted desperately to apologize, yet the words I spoke didn't come close. "Dallas...You aren't everything of what people claim you are" I explained. It took him a few seconds to process, he looked just as tired as I did. He approached me where I stood at the top of the stairs, flicking away his cigarette on the ground. "I don't need you to feel sorry for me, it's not what I want or expect from you, Jannie." He told me. Of course I understood, but I wouldn't listen to his words; not this time. "But I do and thats somethin' that won't change." I smiled up at him with the words that hummed softly to him. His hand rested on my cheek and moving to the back of my neck sending a chill down my spine. He kissed my temple. "Goodnight" was all he said to me before he left again.
If staying here forever made me grounded like I had been my entire life, with someone to rely on and a place to call home, I thought Dallas could have the same luck that I did, staying here forever with me. That was a dream that would remain dreamt.
