loml - Walker Scobell

16. home

i woke up, yawning and stretching my arms. i got up and sat at my vanity, looking in the mirror. my eyes were puffy from crying once again. it felt like i was never going to stop crying. this was torture, it hurt so much.

ive visited wesley's grave multiple times over the past 2 weeks and it almost felt like a bit of a relief when i was there, with him. when i talked i knew he could hear me. i knew he was listening but it just wasn't possible for him to answer. i knew that. im not crazy. but something in me wishes that he would talk back one day. but i knew he was gone and theres no coming back from that.

the other day i brought flowers for him for the first time. i brought a handful of orchids, placing them in front of his grave. i talked to him for a bit like i always did then left. left him there in the ground. mom and dad visited him too on their own time. i always wanted to go alone.

i sat up from my vanity and grabbed my phone off my nightstand and unplugged it from my charger. i scrolled on instagram for a bit but didnt like or comment on anything.

suddenly, aryan called me. i picked up immediately.

"hello?" i spoke quietly.

"liv, walkers home."

it felt like my heart stopped for a moment.

"i-i don't think he wants to see me. he's been ignoring us, right?" i stuttered.

"i just met him at the airport, we hugged and he didn't say anything about it." he mumbled.

"are you with him right now?" i asked.

"hes claiming his baggage with his mother. im sure he wants to see you. i know you want to see him. he knows about wesley." he said that last part hushed.

i closed my eyes and took a deep breath. leena told me before but it just feels different once aryan is saying it since hes with him.

"are you at home?" he questioned once i was silent.

"yeah-"

"okay. bye." he hung up.

i sucked my lips in and put my phone down. i wandered downstairs drowsily and grabbed a bowl of strawberries. my parents were in the living room watching the morning news. i stuck my head in. my dad just looked so tired and draining. my moms eyes were puffy too, just like mine.

"good morning," i uttered softly.

"livi," my dad spoke raspily, patting the spot on the couch next to him.

my mom just looked at me and tried to smile. i walked over through the living room and sat next to my dad, he hugged me for a minute before finally letting go, letting me get up. i trudged back up the stairs with my strawberries and sat on my bed, eating them one by one. i put on lala land, rewatching it for what had to be the 10th time. it was obviously my favorite movie. it was everyones favorite movie. except wesley. wesley hated romance. he hated comedy. he loved horror. he loved movies like hereditary and the conjuring. he loved classics and used to talk about how deeply you had to watch and think into them to really understand it. i know what he means now.

usually, my mom would yell from downstairs, telling me my friends are here. but this time she texted me. her voice and energy just wasn't enough to even speak loudly. i lost my brother but my parents lost their son.

my mom texted me and simply said "you have company."

i texted her back and said, "send them up here, i don't have the power to walk back downstairs"

she didn't text back, she just responded by saying go upstairs to whoever was down there. i heard her quiet, shriveled voice. i started to tear up, knowing walker was about to be before me. the tears started slipping from my eyes before i even laid eyes on him. i heard footsteps up the stairs and in the hallway, leading up to my room. my stomach turned. there was a knock at my door. he didn't even wait for an answer before creaking it open, and i laid my eyes on him. his beautiful blue eyes that i said i liked before he left close to a year ago. i cried as he looked at me with sympathy and bit his lip. i was a whole new person since he last saw me.