If I was yours (bwam)

thirty-four

Saul (First POV)

My mother changed my name to Saul Hong as soon as Gyuri left us. The name that broke me free from the burden I had been carrying of surviving my twin. We never talked about him after that, all our childhood pictures with the both of us in it were gone. It was like I had become my brother in a way.

The only pictures that remained of my brother were the ones where it was just him, so everyone would mistake those pictures for me. Everytime I look at those photos I know it's not me but my mother says otherwise. It makes me sick to my stomach knowing that she basically abandoned my brother.

We were identical twins nothing about us physically was different in any way, even the moles behind our right ear we were the same, and the dimples in the exact same spot on our cheeks. We only differed in personality. Maybe that's why Gyuri became so obsessed with me. Continuing to say I was her gift from Sungjin. There were times when she would even call me his name she always thought I couldn't hear it but it was as clear as day. At first I thought it would help her with the healing process but it only made her a crazy jealous bitch that obsessed over me.

"Hee-Jin he's fine. It's only been 3 days." My father's voice this time?

I opened my eyes and sat my bed up. There stood my father, mother, and two remaining siblings.

It was only right that after Sungjin was gone I became one of the favorites in his place. My father put more care into me and intensive therapy, he also gave me anxiety medication to help with my spiraling.

I am a completely different man than what I was before. I mastered small talk, meaningless conversations, and bullshit connections thanks to him. I even perfected my brothers smile making those childhood pictures of him look more like me.

"Where is she?" I asked looking around the room.

"She's outside, the guards won't let her in though." My brother was the first to speak up.

"Why is it that this shows up when i'm doing so well? Why is it that I can't talk about my twin? Why is it that the entirety of my family has seemingly forgotten about my better half? And why did I have to take his place? This stupid persona is not me. Why couldn't I have been the one to die that day." My head was in my hands.

"Saul honey you're spiraling again, stop it before the doctors sedate you." My mother told me while pulling my face up to look at her.

"I don't care, I just want to see Salem. I don't want any of this shit." I told her. I could feel a headache coming on.

"She understands me eomma and I fucked it all up because of the memories surrounding that evil bitch out there." I motioned to the door.

"I know honey it's okay."

"You know eomma I dreamed about that night. Hoping- no praying that I was the one who died. I also dreamed about the torturous time I spent with Gyuri. All the times I felt too bad to tell her no and to leave my house. All the times she made me lay in the same bed as her. All the times she called me my brothers name while holding me, gaslighting me, manipulating me. You know she even tried to get me to adopt his personality. And me mourning my brother I thought it was only right to go through this because it was the woman he loved." I paused for a moment staring down my entire family.

"Sungjin would be so disappointed in all of you. The fact that you made me shoulder this alone while she tortured me. The fact that you made it seem like he never even existed. And oh boy did you do a great job. You even tricked Salem with baby photos showing her pictures of my late brother, just to make me look like a happy kid."

My mother gasped.

"You didn't think I would catch on did you?" I smirked at them.

"I know you've been keeping tabs on Salem, where is she?" I looked directly at my father. I knew that once Gyuri stepped foot in Korea he would protect the woman I loved from harm.