The Continuous

Part 1 Chapter 1: Families

Yes, this is not the first time that I have been alive. I have lived many past lives from the beginning of what you people call 1500 BC. So far I have lived 21 lives, with this being my 22nd. If you're wondering why and how I am still alive, simply put I was cursed by the gods to keep coming back until I am happy. I along with a few other families were cursed.

Under this curse, we die and then come back, regaining our memories on our birthdays from the first life we have lived. It is usually around the 10th or 12th birthday that our memories return in a flash, funny that it occurs around the same time as puberty. Except no one talks about the pain that this causes as well.

Once we die, we are shown what we decided to call, the possibilities, the "what ifs" as I put it and they are horrible. These possibilities show us what could have happened, the life that we could have had with a person we knew in that current life. The gods rubbing in our faces that we could have been truly happy if we had let ourselves be.

These possibilities you experience after right as you die, you enter a white room and are shown a family with luxury surrounding you. But it is more than simplifying just seeing these things, it's you living through them...and that is where the trouble starts.

It starts with something small, you destroy a favorite shirt you have by cutting it up, but then you move on to a pet, and eventually, you see yourself in front of your partner. The scissors feel so cold, but it's only for a moment until you are flashed with warmth. You become filled with a disgusting joy after destroying the beauty and you know fully well what you are doing but you can't stop yourself.

Once you come back and regain your memory, you get a flash of the past lives but a full lesson on the possibilities. They are so clear that it drives you crazy...but this is as best as I can put it because I have never experienced this.

I recall my past lives, but for some reason, the curse has never shown me my possibilities and I don't know if I should be grateful for it. On the one hand, I only have the pain of the past lives but never the pain of the possibilities. On the other hand though, if I am never shown the possibilities, it is because there is not even a slight possibility that I can be happy. There is nothing that the gods can use to torture me even after I die.

The curse began in 1500 BC and I remember a total of 11 families being cursed, mine included. All of the families were attending a ceremony of the gods, and that is probably how we ended up here. I remember everything from that life, but the time that the gods came down is somewhat of a blur. I remember them telling us that we would be cursed because we did not understand, but what it was that we did not understand I still don't know. I know we must be happy to not come back, but happy with what. People die unhappy and they don't come back, so what made us so special?

The main family in attendance was the Pharaoh's family, (obviously) and the rest of the 10 families were simply trying to win his favor. The Pharaoh's family consisted of 3 people: the crown prince and his parents. 5 of the other families had 2 children, a total of 20 people including the parents. Then 2 other families had 3 children, a total of 10 people. The other 2 families had 1 child each, a total of 6 people. And my family had a total of 4 children, a total of 6 people in my family. The total number of cursed people was 45.

Most of the parents have all managed to die, it's mainly the children that still remain, but even some of them are gone. All of my family is gone, my parents were gone in my very first life and I still miss my mom. I had 3 older sisters who truthfully had no interest in me because of the dynamic of our family. They were mainly my half-sisters, and I lost them in my 12th, 15th, and 17th life. From what I am aware, there are about 10 of us left, a mix of children and some parents. I find some of them from time to time. We decided to call ourselves The Continuous.

When we meet it is always bittersweet, we have all done things that we regret, but maybe we are the only ones who will ever understand each other. When we discuss things, I feel really lucky to know that I never have to experience the possibilities. It's not so bad to not be loved.

But don't mind that for now, it's how I have been able to continue to live one. Out of sight, out of mind has become my main motto. I focus on mundane things to keep myself sane and since I am still sane (at least from my account) I would say that it is working.

There was one more thing that the gods did to us, or gave us, I guess. See, we were each given a gift, to try and combat this curse. Each family was assigned a god and they gave us a gift that was supposed to be connected to something fundamentally wrong with us but truthfully I think my assigned god was just messing with me because my gift is to remember, more specifically to make others remember... What a shitty gift. Some of the other kids can start a fire with their minds and all I can do is make someone remember the past.

Seriously...