The Continuous

Part 1 Chapter 18: Mother

"Hello, Red,"my mother said, reaching for my face.

I flinched at her trying to reach out to me. I faced the floor not wanting to look her in the eyes. I swallowed trying to build up the courage to speak.

"Why?" I asked her.

"Why, what?" she asked back.

"Why did you abandon me?"

"Desher...you..."

"Why were you happy without me? So happy that you died right after your first life? "

"You have to understand you were young and..."

"How long had you been planning to leave?"

"Sweetie... "

"DID I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?" I finally shouted angrily.

"Desher..."

"It's been centuries and you still can't come up with an answer? Is my name the only thing you can say? " As I spoke my voice continued to break with anger and disappointment.

"I want to show you something," she said, turning away from me, her white silk garments matched mine but hers had more elegance to it. I was hesitant to follow her but I didn't want her to leave me again.

The room around us was pure white but as we continued to walk the colors started to fade in. The ground was no longer white, little by little it was turning into small grains of sand. The sky went from white to bright blue and there was a hot air that I could feel against my skin.

We were back in Egypt. Back to the area that our old house was. We reached our house within a few minutes, it had large walls with hieroglyphs reading, Red House. Our house was the head house of the Red House so we owned the title on our walls.

She led me inside the house, nothing changed. The house looked exactly the same, the first floor held our dining room to the left and kitchen hidden away. The right of the floor held our living rooms, and it was there where my dad would have his guest meet him. Further back there was a large but shallow pool area that had an open back yard, from there we could see the sky .Our house sat on the tip of the hills, so it was easy for us to see the temples.

The second floor held more rooms for my sisters and parents, with one room being a private office for my father.

We finally made it to the third floor that held my room and another two rooms that had our family jews and documents. Her back was to me as she opened the door.

"I kept it exactly the same for you. I didn't want to change a single thing." She said still standing in the doorway with her arms out motioning for me to enter.

I walked into the room; my room was exactly the same. A window to the right, overlooking the hill. My walls were red due to the mixtures of blush that I had applied to them. There were tables that still held some of the jewels that my father had gifted me. In the corner of the room was my harp that I only began to play for my parents' sake. My bed was the only thing different, it still had the same covers, a bright red that also had light touches of blush on it.

"You got these from your memories while you were alive didn't you?" I asked her.

"How can you tell?"

"Because the sheets are the wrong color. After we woke up the next day...the day you were gone... dad said to get rid of everything that could have been touched by the gods. He said to burn all of our old clothes, sheets and even some pieces of jewelry that we were wearing. He didn't notice you were gone until later that day."

After we were cursed by the gods we all awoke in our own beds. We still had on our clothes from the festival. We summed it up to having fallen asleep for an entire day, though I'm sure the gods put us to sleep so that our minds had time to heal from being cursed.

"I'm sorry." She said in almost a whisper.

"I cried out for you, did you know that?" My voice was platonic.

"In all of my lives I cried out to you. I convinced myself that you loved me and that my cries were due to my longing for you. I wondered what I would do if I ever saw you again... I'm here now, and words can't even grasp what I'm feeling. Anger, sadness, hatred, resentment, no...I got it...curiosity. How could you leave me, I loved you!" My words were more statements then question but even as they came out of me, they felt wrong.

"I know you cried for me, and every time I would cry back, knowing that there was nothing that I could do for you. My sweet girl, I'm so sorry. But you wouldn't understand your father-"

"I WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND?" I said trying to fight the tears back.

"Tell me mother what would I not understand. I'm not a little girl anymore, I've lived more than you have ever lived. My father... I have been married to men like him. But never once did I abandon my children. How could I leave something that I claimed I would die for."

"Desher, sweetie I was going mad in that house. I didn't mean to abandon you. I tried to get you to come with me but you refused, and then- "

"Go with you? You never asked me to go with you."

The tears were already falling out of my eyes, they traveled down my cheeks and my mother reached her hand. I didn't flinch this time, she wiped my check, still creasing it as she spoke.

"Those fucking gods," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Do you remember anything from the day that we were cursed?"

"Just the feeling," I said.

"Then you don't remember the-"

Anther chime came through. I turned to the opening of my room, there was no one. I turned back to face my mother who now had turned white.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"You're not dead yet." She said with a shocked voice.

"Dead? Have you not been watching me in this life? Why would I be dead?"

"Desher, do you know where you are?"

"I don't even know what the hell is going on." I responded.

"You need to find them; your time is running out." She said.

"Find what? My time? What are you talking about?"

"Desher, the gods are done, they won't bring you back anymore."

"They won't?" I asked relieved. Was I really rid of all the pain that this curse caused me.

"It is not a good thing." My mother said hastily before continuing, "This...this is heaven. When you arrived, you called for me to come and greet you. It's why I assumed that you had died, because you chose me as your guide...my beautiful daughter. But you're not really here yet sweetie..."

"What are you talking about?"

She placed her hand over my heart. I felt it beating and I knew she wished that my heart hadn't moved.

"When you don't end up here, you end up down there." She told me.

"You mean hell?" I asked.

"The possibilities that you see when you die, that is what awaits you down there. Nothing more than the replay of those visions. Except there is no stop, it gets amplified down there."

"What if...I don't see them now?" I asked.

"Don't see the possibilities?" she asked with a confused look.

I nodded.

"Desher, are you immune to the gods curse?"