Chapter 5: I can't Take it Anymore

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A few days after he had decided to sleep outside with the fresh air, (Y/N) awoke to the sound of the bustling village, the sun already high in the sky. He stretched and glanced around the small room he shared with Tsunade and Shizune. Shizune was busy tending to Tonton, her small pig companion, while Tsunade sat at a wabbly table nursing a hangover from her latest drinking spree. The sight made the young boy sigh, but he shook it off. Wanting to make a connection with his mother, (Y/N) gathered his courage and approached Tsunade, who silently glanced up at him with tired eyes and an expression of deep weariness. Of course it hurt, but he had seen just how of an amazing person and leader she could be in the series. Maybe this one time, he could make her warm up to him.


"Good morning, Mom," (Y/N) began tentatively, hoping to catch her in a good mood. His (E/C) eyes flickering briefly to her and then looking back at the counter. Tsunade, however, barely looked up from her drink.


"What do you want, brat?" She asked, her tone already impatient. (Y/N) took a deep breath, scared, but not deterred yet.


"I was wondering if we could talk for a bit," he quickly blurred out before all of his courage dissipate. Yet, this only made Tsunade sighed heavily.


"I'm not interested in hearing you yap, (Y/N). I've got a headache."


"But, Mom, I was thinking... I'd like to read your books about healing and biology. Maybe in the future, you could help me learn or train me?" (Y/N)'s voice was hopeful, his eyes bright with resolve. Maybe the two of them could bound over a common ground. A similar interest. (Y/N) desperately wanted to live a long and meaningful life in this world, and to not be too vulnerable to its danger. Especially after his cousins had so nicely poisoned him, he would really not want to go through another similar outcome. Being poisoned to death was no fun and very painful.


What (Y/N) did not notice was that Tsunade's eyes had widened, and she had been suddenly pulled into a flashback. She saw herself talking to her younger brother, Nawaki, who had the same determined look in his eyes as (Y/N) did now. The memory was vivid and painful, reminding her of the losses she had endured. She was jolted back to the present by (Y/N)'s small hand holding hers, his worried expression mirroring that of her deceased love, Dan.


Tsunade jerked her hand away as if burned. (Y/N) looked hurt, his face crumpling with sadness. He thought that he had gotten through one of the many layers of Tsunade's grief, but he did not. The environment around them suddenly felt stuffy and suffocating, mirroring (Y/N)'s internal turmoil. The air was thick with tension, and the narrow corners of the room seemed to close in on him, making it hard to breathe. How many times had he tried? He could not remember, but all of them had ended as a devasting failure. He had been unable to make any connection to his new mother despite having tried over, and over, and over again. What more could he do?


Tsunade noticed his saddened expression but shook her head, trying to clear her mind. Her frustration boiled over, and she yelled harsher than she ever had before, her voice echoing through the room.


"You're a nuisance, (Y/N)! You're useless! You drain my money that I could've spent on gambling! You ruin my mood with your constant whining! You can't do anything right!" Her breathing was heavy with anger, but she continued with her terrible shouting.


"I should have abandoned you the moment you came into this world!" (Y/N) stood frozen, her harsh words cutting deep into his heart. He looked down, tears flowing freely as he tried to keep his composure. Despite the extreme guilt and sadness, he managed to walk away from Tsunade, her harsh words echoing in his mind.


'I should have abandoned you the moment you came into this world!' Really? That was what he was to her? A nuisance? A bothersome insect that she wished to flick away? Why? After all this time... Why? She was not supposed to stay like this, like some alcoholic grieving adult that barely managed to keep going. He had tried, he had really tried, but there was only so much his child brain could take before it broke down. So, he took a few steps away from her and opened the door. Before exiting this sad excuse of a hotel, he stopped to speak, his voice shaky and filled with pain.


"I've tried to get along with you ever since I could remember. I know my gifts weren't the best, but I made them to make you smile. I wished you'd give me attention or even a splinter of love. Just a hug or a word of... affirmation would've been enough. Is even that too much to ask for?" He paused, his voice breaking.


"I wondered if I really mattered to you, if you'd notice if I went away. I've tried so hard to get along with you, but I'm done. I'm too tired to keep trying with someone who loathes my existence." With that, (Y/N) walked away, not looking back at his mother, who was silently crying but didn't dare to call him back. What it because of guilt or because of pride? Nobody would ever know.

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