The Way I Loved You

Home Is Where The Heart Lies

"Let's give it some time, monitor your condition, and try again."

In that moment, it felt like her world had stopped spinning and time jerked to a standstill.

Of course, they can't treat me.

Her chest felt heavy with despair. They promised her! They told her that there was a good prognosis for this treatment! How could they give her hope only to snuff it out at the last second?

In life, Hong Haein was always right. She always made the right decisions in life, to collaborate with the right partners, to draft the right policies, to marry the right man. But today, she was wrong. She wasn't different after all. She wasn't capable of doing anything she set her mind to. She was just prey to fall for whatever life decided to lob at her no matter how hard she tried.

She felt lost, alone. In the busy hospital, doctors and patients hustled, the sound of shuffling feet a constant source of background noise, but no one was here for her. Everyone walked by, focused on living their own lives without noticing her. The only thing she wanted now was to be in the embrace of someone familiar, to have someone tell her that everything would be okay even if it wasn't. She would allow herself to break down for once, to cry and admit how scared she was at the prospect of losing everything.

But she didn't. She had no one. So she clenched her jaw tight and got on a taxi to the airport. If she couldn't get treatment here, she might as well go home.

She'd been so determined to rush home and continue working on the Hercyna deal, but she lost her resolve once she walked into the airport. She had left Korea in a desperate attempt to escape from the harsh realities of her life, yet it had somehow managed to haunt her, clinging onto her like a shroud. Was she going to return home so soon? She hadn't even gotten what she wanted.

Sitting in the airport, she watched the people pass by, and her gaze stopped upon a small child running to her beaming father. A sudden thought hit her.

If I hadn't lost Byeol, he or she would have been about this age.

If the miscarriage never happened, would this be her life now? Would Hyunwoo be by her side instead of being miles away in Korea? The thought sent a pang of regret slicing like a knife through her chest. She could've had everything. It was her fault that they ended up like this.

All around her, couples and families embraced, either tearfully sending their loved ones off or welcoming them back home. Seriously? Was the universe just rubbing it in her face? It seemed to have pinpointed the very source of her misery and was using it to taunt her.

I just want this to stop, even just for a second. I want to feel okay, like everything will turn out fine. I want to be happy, even if I know it cannot last.

"Sans souci means a place with no worries."  Hyunwoo's voice rang clearly in her head. 

Sans souci. A wave of desire to visit the place once more washed over her. She and Hyunwoo had been so happy there on their honeymoon. She remembered wishing that their bliss would last forever, and she'd truly believed in that moment that it would as long as she had Hyunwoo by her side. Maybe, just maybe, she would find happiness there again.

With newfound vigour, she got up from the bench and strode out of the airport with a sense of purpose. If the universe didn't want her to be happy, she would find happiness for herself.

...

Hyunwoo was worried sick. Where was she? He'd called the hospital the minute he landed and they said she left after being rejected for treatment. Na Biseo said she didn't catch her flight back, so where the hell was she? She couldn't have gotten lost in the streets could she? She wasn't picking up her phone either since it had been turned off. Was she even still alive? He couldn't know for sure.