The Way I Loved You

Germany

"I think you should postpone your trip to Germany. Your white blood cell count is too low. They need to extract and transform your cells for the immune cell treatment. But they can't do that when your WBC is too low. The laboratory in Germany will refuse to do it with the result."

That was the report her doctor gave her on her last hospital visit. It was far from what she wanted to hear, and she refused to accept it. What did her doctor know anyway? Maybe it was just a fluke. Maybe she was just stressed and once she was in Germany and on her way to getting treatment, her condition would improve on its own. She'd already cleared up her schedule to go there, it would throw her off to reschedule it now.

All this time, she'd prepared herself to proceed with the treatment in Germany. Although it was a scary thought, she comforted herself knowing that it would greatly increase her chances of survival and that any pain in the process was worth it. After successfully convincing herself, she was more than ready to face whatever awaited her, but to receive the news that she couldn't proceed as planned? That was simply unacceptable.

Haein was frustrated. The doctor kept telling her to wait, to try improving her health so that her WBC would rise. But what if she didn't have that luxury? Time was the one thing she didn't have when she was only given three months to live. Shouldn't her doctor have a greater sense of urgency than that? It frustrated her how her doctor was able to tell her that in a slow even tone. It was easy enough for him to say when he had all the time in the world. Meanwhile, she was racing helplessly against the clock. Worst still, she didn't even have anyone to vent her feelings to since nobody knew about her illness except her husband who'd just recently exposed how he had no desire to be with her.

At this point, she just wanted to get away from it all. Even if she wasn't able to get treatment, she was going to try her luck anyway. At the very least, she could reassure herself that she was doing all that she could, and she could get away from the harsh realities of her life. She could forget that her family couldn't care less about her, she could forget that she was sick, and most importantly, forget her husband who was supposed to be going on this trip with her. She'd had enough. The constant stress and anxiety was making her head spin and she needed to get out before it consumed her. She would switch her flight to today and leave immediately without telling anyone where she was going.

...

"WHY DID HAEIN GO TO GERMANY BY HERSELF?"

Those were the only words Hyunwoo could make out from her aunt's hysterical rant. She'd called him out of the blue, launching into a flood of words before he could even figure out why she called. She sounded upset, her voice strained with worry.

Haein went to Germany herself? Did I say I would go with her? Why did she leave behind my back?

"She said only you had to know, so why did she go alone? Why did you let her go alone?" Beomja questioned tearfully.

There she went again, always going behind his back. He'd agreed to go with her didn't he? She was the one who asked him in the first place. So why did she leave without a word? She didn't even tell him that she was leaving. Was he just not important enough to inform? That thought irritated him.

Whatever. Clearly she didn't want his presence. Haein was perfectly capable of taking care of herself anyway, she was the most independent person he knew. Who was he to stop her when that's what she wanted? He would leave her to her own devices. For a moment, he had been touched to know that she wanted him there as emotional support. Maybe for once, she was finally letting him into her heart; letting him see how she felt instead of hiding it behind a mask as if he would take advantage and stab her when she was at her weakest.