The Way I Loved You

Filling The Gap

Hyunwoo dumped his coat haphazardly on the floor, glad that he was able to be sloppy now that he lived alone. There was no more Haein to nag at him for being untidy, no guilt of having to make the maids clean up his mess. He was finally free to do whatever the hell he wanted in an apartment that he owned, but the freedom felt less liberating than he'd expected.

When he'd originally bought the place, it had been a spur of the moment decision. He'd been so frustrated with life that day and chanced upon the listing on the way home. Before he even realised what he was doing, he was the owner of a small apartment, just big enough for a living room, a kitchen and a bedroom. What was he going to do with this place? He had no idea at the time, but it became his sanctuary, a place of respite from the unceasing pressure from the Hongs.

Unlike the huge mansion, his apartment was far from perfect. There were socks lying on the couch, dirty laundry in the basket that he hadn't gotten to in a week, mismatched shoes by the door and nothing in the fridge except frozen food. It was nothing like the luxuries he had gotten used to over the past three years, but it was his, all his, and it provided an inexplicable sense of comfort for his weary soul.

He hadn't brought over all his stuff from their home for the same reason. Most of his clothes and accessories were bought by Haein, or some other personal shopper that the Hongs hired. They'd never consulted him on his preferences, and they probably didn't care either. All that mattered to them was that he looked sharp and dapper during business meetings and upheld the family reputation.

Did he want to take their pictures with him? Absolutely. Those were their happy memories, theirs and theirs alone, the only time when her family wasn't interfering in their business. But he also knew that for many of those photos, there was only one copy since he took them using a film camera. He'd leave them for Haein, but also because it gave him an excuse to go back one day to retrieve the last of his belongings.

He collapsed on the couch, drained after yet another long day at work. It had been difficult for him, walking into the office knowing very well what awaited him on the other end. He'd considered simply not showing up, running away so that Haein couldn't divorce him, but he'd put on a brave front and walked in with his shoulders squared.

As they discussed the details that would be released to the press, he watched Haein's expression carefully, wanting to see if there was the slightest hint of regret, the smallest sign that she didn't want this either but there was none. She'd put a complete mask over her expressions, her placid expression one that he'd gotten all too familiar with throughout their marriage. It was the face she put on when she was trying to shut everything out, including her own emotions. Whether she was trying to block out her pain of being hurt by him or her anger, he couldn't tell.

Sometimes, trying to figure Hong Haein out was like staring at an unresponsive brick wall. His guess was as good as anyone's, and the inevitable frustration had always worn him down eventually. Despite all that, he felt no happiness at being divorced from her.

When he'd drafted the divorce agreement, he'd dreamed of freedom, of being able to visit his family in Yongduri whenever he wished, never having to miss an important family event again, and most importantly, the happiness that he thought would naturally come with that freedom. But now, he was realising that he'd left something important behind, something else that he'd chosen above all else.

Hong Haein.

Despite all odds, he'd chosen to marry her. He'd thought she was a poor intern at first, a slightly snobby girl who was bound to get fired no matter where she worked because of her attitude. She was far from the girl he'd always dreamed of marrying: someone who also worked so that they could have a dual income household, someone sweet and innocent whom he could take care of. Despite the obvious mismatch from his ideals, he'd fallen in love with her and proposed to her. Even after he found out who she really was and she'd warned him that marriage would be difficult, he'd chosen her yet again. And when she went to Germany alone, granting him the freedom to celebrate with Yangki, he chose her for the third time and flew hours just to tell her that he loved her. He'd chosen her time and time again, and she was the best choice he'd ever made.