The Way I Loved You

My Only Shield

Today is not my day.

Haein had been feeling the symptoms of her illness more than usual today. She was half afraid that she would faint in her last meeting before ending work since the room kept spinning around her even though she was certain that she was sitting still. Her eyes couldn't focus much on her notes either and her handwriting was all sloppy as a result.

The doctor had warned that this could happen. Although she was largely asymptomatic which was what led to the late discovery of her illness in the first place, the intensity of the symptoms would vary each day as brain tumours were particularly unpredictable. She had already popped her pills earlier in the day when she started feeling funny, but they didn't seem to be strong enough to combat her symptoms today. Nothing really hurt, but she felt woozy and sluggish.

After a long day at work, she was relieved to finally be able to retreat into her room and take some much needed rest. Her legs wobbled as she walked into her house, her heels not helping one bit. Geez, she practically lived in heels. The fact that she was this affected by her illness worried her. How much worse would it get from here onwards?

She stumbled again, bracing against the wall for support. Spots were starting to swim in her vision which was not a good sign. Should she take a break on the couch for a while before attempting to climb the stairs? She would hate to faint halfway up.

Was she hallucinating? Was that her mother on the sofa? What was she doing here? She never visited, much less with good news.

"What brings you here?"

"I knew it. If I hadn't withdrawn the suit, your mall in Gwanggyo wouldn't even be happening. Do you want that?"

Haein sighed internally. She didn't have the energy for this today. All the dizziness was making her want to throw up, yet the universe decided to dump the worst surprise ever in her living room.

"Stop beating around the bush."

"What did you tell Eunsung about Soocheol?"

What the hell? What did she have to do with the both of them? She couldn't be bothered less about what her foolish brother was up to, but the question didn't surprise her. What was her mother trying to do this time? Was she bitter that Eungsung was helping her out but not Soocheol? How was that her problem?

"What do you mean?"

Sadly, this was not a hallucination. How could a hallucination be such an accurate representation of her mother? Only one person in the world would think so lowly of her.

"It's obvious. If Soocheol gets the investment, it's bad for me. So invest in Sangjin instead. Because that would make the chairman furious."

"Do you think that even makes sense?" Haein was frustrated. Why was her mother always blaming her for everything including her brother's downfall? If only she would open her eyes and finally acknowledge that he's an incompetent idiot instead of defending him all the time.

Her mother was unamused. "Yes! I think you're more than capable of doing that. Because you're a bitch who's selfish to the bone. You don't care if anyone around you dies. You just find a way to save yourself. And that's why your older brother..."

That was a low blow. How dare her mother accuse her of being heartless when she'd mourned her brother every second she was awake? She was always ready to point an accusing finger at her, thinking the worst of her before Haein even had the chance to show her otherwise.

Haein didn't know what she'd done to deserve this kind of treatment. Yes, her brother was the one who died saving her life, but was she the one who caused the accident? Did she ever want him to die? No. In her mother's mind, she was painted as the devil reincarnated who killed her eldest child and tortured her remaining son on a daily basis. How could a mother think of her own child this way? The stark contrast between the way she treated her two children was always a sore spot in Haein's heart.