The Way I Loved You

Hold Me Back

They went back up to their room, though she already knew that she had no intention of staying there tonight. After everything that had happened, staying under one roof with him was the last thing she wanted. Being alone in the lift with him, she already felt as if she was being suffocated by his presence and the glaring reminder that the relationship she'd poured her heart into was a complete farce.

Had he been happy when she told him that she was dying? The idea crushed her. How could someone wish death on their own wife? She'd trusted him and his sugar coated words, she'd accepted his suspicious affection and let him into her heart only to find out that she was right this entire time. Was she that unlovable? She couldn't believe that her own husband would do this to her, or maybe she could. That was why it was so painful for her.

Whatever. She would leave Germany tomorrow once her hospital visit was over and catch the earliest flight back to Seoul. She couldn't bear to stay here any longer in the place that had once witnessed their pure happiness before everything came crashing down. She didn't want the taint it with unpleasant emotions, for it was one of the only happy memories she held close to her heart.

She dumped all her belongings in her luggage, dropping each one of her expensive makeup products as if they were worth nothing. After all, what's the point of having so much money to her name when she couldn't even be happy? No amount of money would ever turn back time and make Hyunwoo love her again, no amount of money could have prevented this from happening. Why had she neglected her relationship with her husband over something as superficial as the one trillion club? At the end of the day, she was just trying to get in so that she could mingle with other snakes like her, abandoning her husband who'd supported her from the very start.

She was utterly exhausted. The overwhelming emotions had swallowed her and dumped her back on the streets, leaving her too tired to do anything. She didn't even have the energy to be angry anymore, whether it was being angry at Hyunwoo or herself. There was a gaping hole in her heart, consuming her soul like a vacuum, leaving her nothing but a hollow shell.

"Haein ah." She heard Hyunwoo call out to her again, his voice broken and defeated, but she didn't have the strength to respond. What was she going to do now? Having him watch her every move from the other side of the room made her feel trapped in this hell hole of misery. She couldn't bear feeling his eyes on her and the oppressive sadness that filled every corner of the room. She wanted to get out even if she didn't know where she was going.

She got up, her limbs feeling like lead as she slowly made her way towards the door, her slippered feet dragging against the carpet. Realising what she was doing, Hyunwoo was quick to stop her.

"Haein. It's too late to go anywhere. Stay here. I'll go."

He couldn't let her walk out on her own like that. He'd seen the look in her eyes when she demanded the truth from him, there wasn't a blazing anger, hatred for having the audacity to fool her. She just looked empty, like she had nothing worth living for, and it terrified him. What had he done to her to destroy her soul like that? What if her memory lapsed again and she had hallucinations? She would be all alone in a foreign country with no one to help her, no one who knew about her illness. The idea was so painful that he couldn't fathom allowing it to happen.

"Just... let me be. I don't even have the energy to get mad." Her voice sounded awfully foreign to him. He had been so used to her sharp tone and her biting comments, but now, she just sounded tired. Her eyes were downcast, her expression blank, almost like a mask. Her voice held no strength, as if it took too much effort just to talk.

"Just hear me out." He grasped desperately for straws. He could fix this, he had to. He couldn't let her walk out like this thinking that he'd never loved her when it was the complete opposite. He had to fix his horrible mistake if it was the last thing he did.