The Way I Loved You

Solace

"Why cup noodles?" Hyunwoo asked as they sat on the rooftop of their hotel, two small containers in front of them. They were in Germany for goodness sake! They could be indulging their finest local cuisine in one of the pretty restaurants in the area but they were here with cup noodles that they could have easily gotten back home. He'd been surprised at Haein's unexpected request earlier, not just because of where they were, but the fact that she was the most health conscious person he knew who never ate processed food.

Haein looked down at the cup noodles, shrugging. "I want to give it a try. I know it's full of chemicals and MSG, but I'd be upset if I died without having a taste."

Hearing her say that, his heart felt heavy. Haein had always been forward thinking like her grandfather. In her youth, she'd made countless sacrifices, attending lessons to teach her how to be a good businesswoman in the future even when she was merely a child, constantly monitoring her health, making smart investment decisions. All these good choices would have set her up to be successful in the future, yet all that had been ripped away from her. It was so unfair that she might never be able to enjoy the fruits of her labour.

"Just wait three minutes." He said, unable to think of anything else to say.

"Then I'll talk in the meantime. I'll talk while we wait so it won't seem too serious."

That statement caught Hyunwoo's attention. Too serious? Was something else wrong? Did she find out that she had less time left than the doctor's initial estimate? She didn't look too upset though, she was nonchalant as usual. But at this point, he already knew that she was capable of dropping earth shattering news with a straight face so it did nothing to ease his worries.

"About what?"

"Things I 'd like you to do."

"I'm listening." He urged her on.

"Don't hold memorial services for me." His face fell. "I don't like any of the food. If you want to commemorate me, just think of me while having some wine at a nice place. And place a few Hercyna handbags on the table."

He'd never thought he would be having this conversation, at least not so soon. When they first got married, he'd thought that they would have the rest of their lives to spend together, that he'd have more than enough time before their inevitable parting of ways. Never would he have thought that he'd be looking at his wife, not looking a day over their wedding day, hearing these words come out of her mouth.

And the regret came again, like another wave crashing over him. If he'd known that this would happen, maybe he would have tried harder. Maybe he would have tried to communicate with her whenever they fought instead of hiding in his room thinking that whatever wounds in their relationship would heal with time, time that they no longer had. Why hadn't he tried to apply ointment to the wound, to bandage it so that it could heal faster without scarring? He'd taken their time together for granted, and now it was too late.

Why was she talking to him about this now? Her fate wasn't written in stone yet. The doctor said that she had a good chance of survival if she went through with the procedure. She'd just gotten rejected this time round, it didn't mean that she couldn't try again in the near future. Why was she talking to him like she was going to die anytime from now? She couldn't die. She couldn't leave him.

"Are you being like this because the clinic rejected you? They could call you back with good news down the road."

He sounded almost angry, but Haein could understand why. Hyunwoo had always been like this from the beginning of their relationship. She supposed they had that in common; the tendency of morphing passion into anger when they weren't careful. His voice held hints of frustration, but sadness was all she saw when she looked into his eyes. He wasn't fighting her, he was fighting fate.