Gemini Norawit knows only two things: that he wants to become a king of Magical World and that he absobulety hates Fourth Nattawat. They have to compete against each other to win a crown. But what if one of them is only pretending to be someone else...
“Memories are always special. Sometimes we laugh by remembering the days we cried. And we cry by remembering the days we laughed...! That's a life”
*** Gemini POV ***
I woke up drenched in sweat. At the very end it seemed to me that I was falling into some endless abyss. It was terrifying.
I hate it!
I fucking hate it!
What have I done in this life and in previous ones to deserve so big pain? How bad person I had to be to deserve this all? Will it ever end? I wish it stopped. I wish someone took away my memories. I don't remember my whole childhood, just some little flashbacks, for example my mom and dad eating breakfast with me and Dunk when we were very little, but...
Fuck!
I hate it! The pain it brings... I wouldn't wish that to my worst enemy! I wanted to scream, I wanted to punch the wall or someone's face. I wanted alcohol or drugs to erease everything from my mind. And to for a moment not feel anything.
Emotions and feelings sucks. Being human sucks. Sometimes I wish I was never born. Because what is the reason? I will never be happy anyways. I will never be loved and I don't even believe in love. Love sucks. Love is for weak. I'm not weak. I'm strong. I'm a warrior. I had to learn how to survive.
If I'm a warrior, a fighter, then why do I feel like a loser? Why it feels like the darkness isn't outside me but INSIDE my own soul?! Why, when I think about my own soul, I see it crying black tears and bleeding with broken wings of an angel, with dirty clothes that used to be white but now are grey and with a lot of holes? Why when I picture my own soul it looks so pitiful? Why do I feel like unwanted, abandoned dog on the street, always kicked by everyone? Why do I feel like my heart breaks over and over? Why can't I just live normal life? Without memories from my past lives dragging me down?!
Why can't I just LIVE?!
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These were questions I don't have answers for.
And the worst thing is that I can have flashbacks at the strangest moments, for example when I drink my morning coffee (I don't like the taste of it, but I remember that as long as my mother was with us, she always drank it in the morning and always with milk; I have few memories of it, so I'm sticking to what I still remember).
Today I had the same dream again: we were on a date, me and... and the other guy... yes, the other guy... The guy who looks like Fourth...
This is what hurts the most, because I hate him with all my heart, he annoys me with his very existence, he is always so nice to everyone, so good-natured and polite... And meanwhile, my dreams...
No, they're not even dreams, they're nightmares, and today was the worst of them all...
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