My Dearest Enemy - GeminiFourth AU

29. Gemini's secret

Fourth thought for a long time about the reasons for his roommate's suspicious behavior and couldn't find a good explanation.

«If you really want us to be together and to create a real family for this child, then why don't you fight for it yourself? Why do I feel like I'm the only one getting involved? You have to start fighting for us too, because if you don't show me that you want it, I'll eventually stop fighting too. I found out that you don't want this child. Damn it, Nattawat! You're driving me absolutely crazy! Do you really think I wanted this?! Fuck, no! How was I supposed to know it would end like this? You can't blame me for this! But you shouldn't blame yourself either, because just like me, you couldn't have predicted it beforehand. We're both not ready, I get that, but since it's already happened, shouldn't we give it our all to be good parents? Wasn't it you who said so yourself? Why aren't you talking to me?  Why don't you tell me what you feel, what you're afraid of, what you need? Haven't you noticed yet that I would do anything for you? You're intelligent, Nattawat, but in feelings you're as stupid as a shoe or even stupider!»

Nattawat couldn't forget the words he read in what was clearly Norawit's diary: it was a black notebook, distinguished from the others by an ornate handwritten inscription in gold ink: "Property: Gemini Norawit Boonprasert".

He found the notebook by accident when, out of boredom, he started cleaning the room, which was relatively tidy anyway, but Fourth had to do something to occupy his hands and thoughts.

«How can I trust you, Gem, when I don't know which version of you I'll meet each day? I'm not even sure how much of everything you show me is just your acting. Yes, I know what your reputation is in the community: there's something more than the playboy label.  I heard that everyone agrees on one thing: that you're one of the most talented actors of the last decade or two. How can I trust someone like that so easily? You can act out any role you want. How am I supposed to know what your intentions are? But the truth is, I want to trust you. If we're going to be a family... You know? I'm still waiting...»

Fourth shook his head, dispelling the intrusive thoughts. Now wasn't the time for this. Nattawat saw an opportunity to question Dunk.

“Tell me, Dunk, but honestly, what's wrong with Gem? One moment he can laugh, joke, has a lot of energy and sometimes makes very risky decisions, and the next day he's shouting at me, criticizing me, insulting me.  At first I thought it was just about our past, I don't know if he told you about...”

Fourth hesitated.

Should he tell him or not?

«After all, Dunk was Gem's older brother, if he didn't answer that, then I guess no one else would be able to».

Dunk stopped playing on his phone to take a closer look at Fourth. It was his shift with Fourth. Nattawat felt a bit awkward, so he grabbed his juice cup and took a big sip, giving himself time to gather his thoughts.

“I don't know, Gem hasn't been that close to me for a while now. We're brothers, but I feel less and less of that brotherly bond between us”. 

“Oh. Oh my. I see. Forget I asked”.

“No, feel free to ask me anything you want. I understand you've been under enough stress lately.  So if my answer can calm you down a bit, I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have”.

Fourth went to the bookshelf. He picked one out at random. Unfortunately, it was a book for new parents. Nattawat, however, wasn't paying attention to what he was holding in his hands, his mind was frantically searching for the right words to ask the questions that had been troubling him for a long time.