As the youngest Shelby child and twin to Finn Shelby, Kezia has spent the last 4 of her 10 years locked away for her mental defectiveness.
She returns to Small Heath under the legal guardianship of her brother, Thomas Shelby. Despite knowing she's s...
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CHAPTER NINETY-TWO
Finn writhed on Ada's sofa.
He had never been shot before. He wished he knew it would be this terrible.
His brain was a shattered mess from the pain. Every thought was splintered, unable to be anything whole. But that wasn't entirely true—one thing always remained whole, despite the pain it created.
"Hold still!" Isaiah yelled. He held Finn in a tight headlock from behind the couch.
At Finn's feet, Aberama Gold dug his knife into his arm.
Another wave of fire engulfed his body. His fingers trembled. He applied so much pressure on his teeth, he worried they'd break. Did Kizzie's teeth break as she burned to death? Guilt stretched over Finn's body at all times when he thought about his twin. He didn't feel her death. Because they weren't close anymore? Because he refused to be close to her—because he was embarrassed by her? Because she didn't want him to feel the pain?
"There," Aberama said, pulling out the bullet. It was skinny, crooked and cratered from meeting flesh and bone. He placed it on the table in a glass.
"What the fuck is going on!?"
His sister appeared at the door, body still cloaked in her fur jacket. "Get out! Both of you!"
"I'm so sorry, Ada!" Finn told her. "They broke a statue of some thin woman."
She sat beside him on the couch, eyes hard and angry. "What has Tommy told you? Shelby's stay out of the sporting stuff!"
His own anger flared. "What? To maintain your fucking reputation?"
"Oi!" Her gentle slap to his face was cold and clammy. "You listen to me. We've got a chance. Tommy has given us that chance. He's got power, we've got money, and our past is left behind us... And you've got a precious life, Finn, you fucking idiot! You've got nothing to prove, Finn! You have got nothing to prove."
He looked away, his heart suddenly full of sorrow and unshed tears.
Ada sighed and sucked in her lips. "Is this about Kizzie?"
He almost laughed. "It's always about Kizzie."
His sister grabbed his hand. "She would not want you to be reckless."
"Well, she's not fucking here, is she?" Finn bit, looking back at Ada. Her eyes were saddened, but understanding. How could she understand? "Tommy's given us everything," he mimicked Ada's words. "But what has he given her?"
"I know you are angry—"
"No. You don't." He shook his head. "We're not even allowed to say her name in his mighty presence. He lost a sister. I lost my twin. It's not the same thing." A tear rolled down his cheek. He used his good arm to quickly wipe it away.
"I will never know the pain you are in, Finn," she told him. "It is cruel, unfair, what Tommy is forcing us to do without her. But life goes on. Four years now. Do you remember how you felt in the beginning?"
He did. He couldn't leave his room. Couldn't be in the same room as Tommy without launching himself at him. And his brother had the audacity to be more heartbroken than him? Fucking cruel was right. He was to blame for what happened to Kizzie—if that stupid deputyship wasn't enforced, she wouldn't have gotten angry with Tommy. Would have a better chance of still being here.
But he did still blame Solomons. Fucking shit. Both men sent her to the grave. Solomons deserved to be rotting in Hell right now.
"I do," he finally told her. "And you were right. Time makes it hurt less—you think about it less everyday. But for Tommy it feels like it just happened. He's forcing us to be there right along with him. How can we deal with her being gone if he won't let us?"
Ada sighed and turned her head down. "Maybe it is a conversation we can all have together."
Finn laughed.
Everyone was petrified of Tommy after Kizzie died—Finn included. The man was a time-bomb ready to explode. There was no talking to the man. Finn would be forced to relive the very aftermath of his twin's death until Tommy died. And by the fear in everyone's eyes when they spoke to him, it was coming soon.
Finn had no choice but to place his grief and anger elsewhere. Without Kizzie here, he was exposed as the youngest son. Being her twin always saved him, and it still did sometimes, but he knew his brothers expected more of him now.
Maybe he was being reckless, but he didn't care. The fuck was the point anymore?
"I hear he went to put down Dangerous," Finn said, changing the subject. There would be no winning in a conversation about Tommy and his grief and blame. Finn and Ada would just go around and around in circles—as they often had.
News of the horse's health reached Finn a few weeks ago. The beast was always wild. Could never be broken. But he loved Kizzie. Felt it when she was gone. The four years impacted him, too. Finn thought that maybe Tommy was holding on for hope Dangerous would recover. In many ways, the horse was one of the last remaining pieces of her. Along with Dorothy and Ozzy.
The cat became reclusive, only coming out when Tommy was home. And Ozzy became Tommy's unwilling shadow. Finn felt bad for him. Being Tommy's nanny must have been a terrible fucking job.
"He did. Took the family with him." Ada rocked her head to the side. "Along with Ozzy."
"Polly and you are still having him keep an eye out."
"Yeah, but it's not doing much. Tommy has always been hard to crack, you know that."
"Mm." Finn was tired of talking about Tommy. It seemed like every conversation led back to the man.
She stood and grabbed the bloodied towels from around them. "I am seeing him in a few days. Maybe I can speak to the ladies about...Kizzie." She playfully slapped his knee with a clean end of the towel. But the tension remained in Finn's heart. "You will live, Finn." She then walked away.
Finn listened for her retreating footsteps until he couldn't any longer. His thoughts drifted to his arm. And the sudden, awful thought of wishing he were dead in Kizzie's place. The family cared more about her, what would change if he was gone?
But he wasn't gone. He was here, bleeding in Ada's expensive flat. What remained of his sister was buried in a grave behind Tommy's home.
There would be no talking to Tommy. Not even Polly felt comfortable bringing that bomb to him. He did what he wanted, just as he did with Kizzie.
And he would send them all to the grave for him, too.
