Green, White, and Blue ~ A KotLC tale...

˗ˏˋ48: Biana'ˎ˗

TW: talk of suicide, dead friend

"It doesn't feel right. Being here right now." My head bolted up in shock. I had zoned out, not noticing when my friends started to speak. I hadn't even realized I walked into ECV, much less up the stairs to the loft, or putting on my knee pads and sleeves. I attempted to tune in, noticing Brisa nodding along with Rayni's words.

"Sophie wasn't really at many practices because of getting hurt, but it still feels wrong to play and get ready without her with us."

"It doesn't make sense." Those four words were the first one's I'd said all day. I had moved through my morning sluggishly. I didn't even take the time to properly do my hair or grab my new knee pads, grabbing the ones with big holes without even thinking. I hadn't even eaten breakfast, or responded to my mom when she told me to "have a good day." Sophie being the topic was the only thing that could get me to talk since she died. She was the only thing I wanted to talk about. It seemed weird to me, usually someone would be avoiding what they're grieving, but all I wanted to do was think about her, talk about her, talk to her like she was still with me. I missed her so much.

"She was always so happy." I continued. "Happy people don't kill themselves without any reason." They all looked shocked that I just went out and said that. I had said those exact same lines to someone else almost every single day, trying to get somebody to give me a new answer, the reason why it happened.

Everyone in my group thought—knew, that she wouldn't have killed herself. Even if she was just having a rough few days. Then there were also the texts. They had to mean something. Some sort of clue. Whoever was on the other side was watching her. They had to have killed her. It wasn't a suicide. Sophie wouldn't kill herself. She'd come to me. I know she would.

"Maybe she wasn't happy on the inside." Irja suggested. "My cousin was the happiest guy in the world, but he actually had really bad depression and killed himself." She said it so nonchalantly, I grimaced at her carefree tone. I could tell, after knowing her for so long, that she was just pushing down her emotions so she wouldn't react so strongly, but it was still so off putting to hear her talking about people she cared about dying like it was the weather. Rayni seemed to feel the same, sending a small glare to the redhead.

"Can we talk about something else?" Juji's quiet voice asked. "I don't wanna have to go cry in the bathroom before practice." We all nodded and I gently squeezed her arm, giving her a small smile. Juji's always been the most sensitive of the group, an easy crier, so she'd been crying just as much as Sophie's own family. As much as Keefe, as much as me. 

"Have you guys started studying for tests yet?" Brisa asked. "I know it's still over a month away, but my mom is making me study for an hour every night because I almost failed last year."

Rayni laughed. I didn't know how she did that. How her and Brisa were able to immediately change the subject, and be happy. Once I start thinking about Sophie, I can't stop. "Honestly, just come to Exillium at that point. It's a trash school, but we don't have the tests or the pressure to be perfect." Brisa's mouth gaped open.

"My parents would kill me if I got kicked out of Foxfire!" I nodded my head in agreement. I loved Foxfire, but there was so much pressure to be smart, keep passing all of your tests, not get kicked out. Almost every student there got some sort of anxiety after their first year. It was even worse now, because I had to worry about tests, and worry about what happened to Sophie.

"I'll probably start studying in May, I'm honestly too lazy to start now." Juji joked. I was surprised she was able to make the switch to happy so quickly, but I decided to try, too.

"Same." I agreed.

"Well since I don't have to do any of that boring studying," Rayni said, "my parents are taking me to visit my grandparents the first week of May."