Just like you - 911 fanfiction

015 - Acceptance

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So yeah, Nia was getting taken away, but that doesn't mean I have to mope around. I decided to take on a new perspective with the whole healing journey I was going on. Not only do I want to heal physically but I want to take this off time to heal myself mentally and process some of the stuff I couldn't before. So I did find a few things to turn into habits in order to better myself. I also found a way to exercise without moving my foot, I just sat down.

Yeah that took me a while to figure out which probably says something about me. But in my defense two weeks ago I probably couldn't have done any of it due to all the bruises and sore spots all over my body which had thankfully died down now.

Yes it was still very difficult to use crutches but I've been handling. The thing that has been most difficult was everything going on in my head, all the nightmares and my problems with eating had been catching up to me recently. So I gave into my mom and agreed to go to therapy. Which was step number 1 to my healing journey. Who knows maybe I'll reinvent myself like Evan and call myself Matt 2.0.

My first session was the beginning of this week and I've felt a tad better since then, and my therapist was Dr. Portia Lin) she was pretty nice so far. She let me open up to her on my own and I was the one setting the pace in our sessions. It was a lot going on at home right now, with the whole Nia reunification process and my parents processing it.

I knew what to expect from the beginning though. Nia wasn't my real sister, even if I did love her like one. My moms took her in so that her real mother could get back on her feet,

"Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if my mom took the time to do that."

Dr Portia nodded writing something down in her notepad. "Okay, let's start there. What was your bio moms mental state like and how did that impact you?"

I honestly didn't know how to answer the question. Eva was pretty unstable a lot of the time, always drinking, yelling, one night stands, drugs, and a ton more that I don't remember because I was so young at the time. If she had taken the time to get herself together for me. Maybe, just maybe she could've played a bigger role in my life.

"She was struggling, with substance abuse. Her mind was all over the place she wasn't ready to raise me."

"Do you feel like that had an impact on who you are as a person today?" She asked me. I scoffed looking down at my hands, my leg was now bouncing unintentionally and I couldn't stop myself from fiddling with my fingers.

"I am not who I am because of her." I quickly defended myself.

"I'm who I am in spite of her."

My voice cracked at the end of my sentence and I could feel my chest slowly start to tighten. Dr Portia took note of my visible discomfort and closed the book on her lap.

"We don't have to go into this today if you aren't ready yet. You can still pace yourself." She assured me. I gave her a small smile wiping a stray tear from my cheek that I didn't realize had fallen.

"No- no. It's fine, I want to talk about it."

"My mom wasn't a bad person, I really wanted to believe that. She was emotionally abusive to me from the moment I learned to talk, and sometimes when I pissed her off she did lay hands on me. I wish I could say she was a good person because so many of her friends could vouch for if, but I never in my life got to see that side of her."

Dr Portia sat there waiting for me to continue, so patiently with an open expression on her face.

I took a breath before opening my mouth yet again.