One night | buck and Eddie fanfic (9-1-1 tv show)

Eddies POV (again)

The world didn't stop when Buck didn't pick up. But, god, Eddie wanted it to.

But, somehow, Eddie managed to live on without on of the most important people in his life. He realised he had a son who had just lost his father for days, so Eddie built an even stronger relationship with Christopher.

Eddie eventually got out of hospital, and nobody knew that Eddie had truthfully done it to himself, except for Buck of course. And Eddie was happy. Somewhat.

He still rang Buck every morning and night, and texted him most days, mainly just "ring me back" and "Christopher really misses you".

Eddie went to bed every night, with nightmares, and woke up covered in sweat and full of fear.

He had nightmares about Afghanistan, about Chris not making it out of the tsunami. Of being trapped in the well, and of Shannon's death.

Eddie had nightmares about Buck.

About Buck dying, about Buck bleeding out somewhere. Of Bucks funeral.

And each time he woke up, nobody was there to comfort him.

He was alone, again.

Christopher had his own life, not matter how strong their bond was. Everybody else at the 118 had their own families, their own issues.

Christopher was having nightmares aswell, screams echoing throughout the house each night. Eddie begged with Christopher, pleaded to tell him what they were about but he would just pretend they never happened every morning. It was every night, in the 1-2am bracket- Eddie had found it easier to stay up until then. It was a poor excuse to avoid his own nightmares.

He had barely any sleep from this, mixed in with the shifts he had began working the past week. To distract him, Eddie had picked up extra shifts at the 118, Christopher didn't mind.

Eddie checked the calendar hanging in his kitchen, the one with a massive circle around tomorrow: "Christopher/Texas"

Christopher barely saw his grandparents, so they all had organised for Christopher to stay with them for the next month- it seemed a long time away from home, but Christopher was practically buzzing with excitement.

If it wasn't for Buck, Eddie would've refused his grandparents to ever see Christopher. They had been shitty parents go Eddie, the worst. But with Christopher- god. Eddie felt jealous that he didn't get treated like that throughout childhood.

With everything going on, it would be nice for Christopher to take a break, for a fresh start. Just for a while, until Buck came home. Buck was coming home.

His grandparents were going to fly to LA airport to meet Christopher, so all Eddie has to do was drive an hour away. He wished he could travel with them, but it was difficult getting the time off work, especially during the summer heat.

This was his last day off before Christopher left, so they were preparing his suitcase and doing final checks. Eddie was busy folding spare clothes into Christopher's unusually large suitcase.

"You sure you need this big of a suitcase? You do have clothes at your abuelas and abuelos" Eddie yawned out, still tired from the night before. Christopher has woken up screaming-crying, and hadn't said a word about it all day.

"What if I run out of clothes?" Christopher questioned back, a wide smile forming on his lips.

"Okay, okay." Eddie sighed out, rubbing the inside of his palms on his eyes to try and wake him- Eddie was already on his third cup of coffee, and that was unhealthy enough as it is.

Eventually the got back into the routine of folding, enjoying the quiet hum of silence in the air.

"Dad, can I ask you something?" Christopher asked, looking up from his pile of clothes.

"Anything, Chris." Eddie replied, still staring down at the pile of clothes infront of him.

"Why hasn't Buck come back? Was it because of what I told him?" Christopher spluttered out, fiddling with the piece of cotton in between his fingers.

"What?" Eddie coughed out, confused as to why Christopher would ever think that. Hen had told him about what happened last week, and Eddie could tell Christopher was tiptoeing around the house, as if he was going to get in trouble? "God, no Christopher- that wasn't the reason. You shouldn't have said that, but- dios, that isn't the reason he left."

"Why did he leave then?"

Fuck. Eddie should've expected this, eventually. Everyone at work had been walking on eggshells around him, but he should've expected this question from Christopher. How do you phrase "Buck confronted me about the lake and I told him to leave, and he's now travelling in a random state. Don't forget that he doesn't have a house anymore, so he won't be coming back anytime soon" to a child?

"He- I messed up. I said some things I shouldn't have, and now he's left. But I promise you, he'll be back by the time you come back to LA. I swear on it." Eddie swore, finally looking at his son. After the whole situation with Kim, Eddie and Chris swore never to lie to each other again- so that what Eddie would do.

Atleast, he would try.

- - - -

Christopher and Eddie shared their goodbyes the next day, and Eddie couldn't hold back the emotion from flowing down his face. Christopher laughed and ran over to his grandparents- Eddie left soon after to avoid any communication with them.

Eddie leant his head back against his chair, regretting not taking the country roads to avoid the morning traffic. He listened to the radio as he resisted the urge to close his eyes and sleep. Eddie tried to ignore every time he saw a jeep similar to Bucks or blue eyes the same as his.

It was stupid.

Everything, everything was falling apart. Buck leaving, Buck ignoring Eddie everyday for two months. Eddie knew it was his fault, he knew he couldn't run from the excuses anymore.

The lake.

Eddie thought because he had stopped fighting for a second, had left the waves take him under that that was his excuse. But he knew it wasn't.

Eddie had been struggling for weeks, months even. He had quit therapy a couple of months ago, using the excuse that "he was fine." He had been bringing everyone he loved close to him  before pushing them away, thinking that was normal.

But he was scared.

It seemed like he was a curse. Destined to have everything constantly crumble at his touch. Shannon left, and when she finally came back, when they could've finally been a family, she died. Eddie leant on Buck for support, and he nearly died. He got so much closer to Christopher and then a tsunami wrecked the coast. Everyone he cared about was constantly getting hurt, whenever Eddie was a step too close. Maddie, Chimney, Hen, Bobby, Athena, Karen and even may seemed to begin struggling whenever Eddie got to close.

So he began pushing everyone away, and maybe that's one of the reasons he pulled himself under the water.

He was scared.

"Move forwards, you fucking-"

Morning traffic.

He slightly waved his hand out the window as  Eddie moved his car forwards, enjoying the breeze running through his fingertips. He smiled and enjoyed the views, he-

The familiar ringtone of his phone played across the car, distracting him.

It was Buck.

His Buck was calling.