One night | buck and Eddie fanfic (9-1-1 tv show)

Bucks POV

Buck had to have some time.

He deserved some time.

He went to Seattle for the first three weeks, staying with Connor and Kameron, and finally being able to see their baby boy after a year or two.

They had named him 'Noah Evan Mcalla." Buck of course was unaware that his name was Noah's middle name, the pure surprise sprung tears to his eyes.

Eventually he overstayed his welcome, and got back to his Jeep and the road.

He headed to Pennsylvania, to his parents house. To finally talk. They didn't deserve an ounce of anything from Buck, but there he went. To Atleast try for a relationship with his parents.

They made small talk about his last relationship (Buck didn't even tell them that Natalia and him broke up) and how "there's plenty of fish in the sea!" And Buck came out. He came out. Buck had a sinking feeling that a part was missing from him life, and maybe this was it. No, no, being bisexual was it.

He told himself that it was from the moment him and Eddie kissed, but he knew that wasn't it. The truth was that he had been hiding it under guilt and shame. Buck knew it from the moment he was nine years old and Maddie had taken him too see X-men. It featured Hugh jackman, and all Buck thought when he saw him was 'wow.' Maddie was going on about how attractive he was as they walked back home, and all Bucks wanted to do was agree.

But, there it was again, the feeling of shame and guilt. He had heard from listening in on Maddie story's that the only gay boy in town got beat to a pulp, and was still in the hospital.

But, 22 years later, here he was coming out. His parents face had a blank expression, and Buck could tell they didn't know how to react.

His parents told Buck stories of the neighbourhood, of people he knew from high school getting married and having kids. His parents even tried setting him up with half the population of the town, saying that they "were desperate for more grandchildren!"

They were the worst parents, but that didn't mean that they were bad grandparents. He saw how Jee-yun's face lit up whenever she saw them, and Buck constantly felt anger that he didn't get that growing up.

They even talked about Daniel, for the first time. About how he was constantly telling stories of his girlfriend's in elementary school, and how when he was a child, all Daniel wanted to be was a doctor.

Buck didn't tell them about the coma dream, how Daniel was a doctor and played such an important role in Bucks life.

Eventually, the month was over, and Buck was back in the road with his belongings packed in the back of the jeep. He didn't stop paying rent because his leaving was permanent, he stopped paying because of all the bad memories crammed in that space. The studio was pure bad luck

Or maybe it was just Buck.

Buck didn't know where to go, and the constant noise running in the back of his head wasn't helping, the voices repeating Eddies name over and over.

He wished he could just move on. But he never could. That was why he still visited his parents, even after they gave him a terrible childhood.

Maybe that was why he filed a lawsuit to keep his job, the only stable thing in his life. Maybe that was why he hated whenever Eddie and Chris went to Texas, over a fear of them leaving him and not coming back. Maybe that was why during every hospital visit he was determined to stay strong, just to break down in tears in his jeep a few moments later. He couldn't move on. He was scared.

Maybe that was why he dialled the familiar number in his phone, the one he hadn't contacted in months.

"Buck? Buck, are you okay? Hello?"

Eddie.

A sharp inhale left Bucks lips, without meaning to.

"Buck, buck hello? Buck just-"

Silence.

He had hung up, not processing why he had called. Or why he had hung up.

Fuck.

He was surely messing up eveything, like how he always did. Buck knew he had overstayed his welcome in L.A, eveything good has to come to an end eventually.

Oh. There went his phone, eddies familiar number ringing again. Right now Christopher should be in Texas, enjoying the summer with his grandparents.

Eddie was alone. God, Buck hated it when Eddie was on his own. Guilt ate away at him, for no reason whatsoever.

He knew he had deserved this time.

The guilt remained still.

Bucks mind distracted him, not realising he was going to fast and to close to the curb before it was too late.

A popped tyre and a phone call later, there he was.

Eddie.

Buck so desperately wanted to speak, but the words forming in his brain broke when they entered his mouth, he had no words for the man looking in front of him.

What shook Buck to the core though, was the fact that Eddie look tired. God, Eddie looked so tired.

In that moment he wanted to cup his face and tell him everything was going to be okay, that everything was going to be fine.

But Buck swore that he would never lie again.

He could tell that Eddie hadn't been going to therapy, the curves on his face and the bags under his eyes were clear signs of it.

Buck can't remember much, except for observing Eddie.

Eddie was talking, Buck assumes. Buck assumes he talked back.

All he remembered was getting back in his truck, alone, staring at Eddie through his wing mirror.

Buck wasn't sure why he returned to LA. He had no home, not after he sold his studio. Why would anyone want to take him in, he had a doomed them after all.

Buck sneaks his phone out of his Jean pocket, ready to book a hotel. What he saw instead surprised him to say.

Eddie 💓
follow me back Buck. You can crash at mine.

*****

A half an hour drive later, Buck was staring at eddies house. It seemed so empty, with Christopher being gone.

Buck remembered begging with Eddie to let Christopher go to texas, rembered pleading with him for Christopher's sake. Buck had lied and said that he would still be in LA, that he didn't have no where else to go except within the borders of that city.

He can't help the guilt, although he tries to. He shouldn't feel afraid whenever Eddie had rang or texted him, whenever he thought about Eddie and that kiss.

God, Buck was useless.

He couldn't even stay away from the man he loved. That was why he followed Eddie in like a lost puppy. That was why he remained silent when Eddie fed him dinner. That was why he forgave everyone so easily, without a second thought.

Buck still thought about it, ofcourse. About the lake, about eddies pale skin and swollen stomach. About all the lives lost, forever dead at the bottom of the lake.

Buck wondered what life would've been like if Eddie had actually let himself drown, if Buck didn't notice the medallion floating on the girl.

Or how easy it would be if Buck didn't snap at Eddie, after all none of this would be happening if not for Buck.

It was always bucks fault.