Heal my heart

c h a p t e r 32

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RUDRAKSH'S POV

I hate it when Shivani goes to her house. Because everytime she comes back from there, she becomes reserved. She doesn't share much, doesn't talk much. But I have had enough. Earlier I used to drop this topic because I couldn't pry, we weren't close and I didn't care that much but I do now, more than before, more than I care about anyone else. She's standing in the balcony, looking at the moon. She looks beautiful in the moonlight.

"You have to tell me Shivani." I hug her from behind.

"What?" She asks slowly. I turn her around.

"You're hiding something." I look at her intensly. She shakes her head.

"Shivani, please. I am your husband. No secrets between us." I can feel her tensing up in my arms as I try to get her to open up to me. It's confirmed now she's hiding something, but she won't admit it. I have to be careful, I don't want to push her too hard and make her withdraw even more.

I take a deep breath and try again. "Please baby, talk to me. You can trust me. I'm on your side always." I hold her tighter, trying to convey my sincerity through my touch. She shakes her head, "there's nothing to share." She says, her voice wobbly.

I take a deep breath, feeling frustrated and upset. I want her to talk to me so bad, to let me in and let me help her. But she just stands there, shutting me out. It's maddening, to have the person I care most about in the world right in front of me, and yet feel so far away from her. I'm tempted to grab her and shake her, to demand she tell me what's going on. But that won't help, I know it won't. She needs me to be gentle, patient, understanding. So I kiss her forehead, slowly moving to her cheekbones. Her breath quickens, I peck her lips softly, "come on baby." I say in her mouth, my hand roaming on her back and I pull her towards me tightly. She winces, "aah" I step back looking at her with concern, "what happened?" I ask.

"Nothing" She says and now I am angry. Did I do something to hurt her? "Are you in pain?" I ask. She shakes her head furiously. "No" She says. "Nothing is wrong. I am not in pain. Please stop asking me that." Her eyes wide and shone with unshed tears. She's furious. But so am I, I am her husband I am not asking for too much, I just want to know if she's okay.

"Stop lying to me!" I snap, my patience finally snapping. "I know something is wrong! You flinched when I touched you. And now you're wincing, I can see the pain in your eyes, even if you won't admit it."

Her eyes widen in shock at my outburst, but she doesn't back down. "There's nothing wrong," she says stubbornly. "I'm just tired."

I back her up, until her back hits the wall, "Shivani, I hate lies." I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, "I have mentioned that already." I look at her intimidatingly. She gulps. "Either you tell me Or, there's no or actually," I press my hard body in her soft frame, "I won't talk to you, until you tell me." I whisper in her ear. I know that's emotional blackmail. But she's hurting and she's not sharing it with anyone, I am her husband, the other half, so why does she gets to bear her pain alone. She has to share it with me, she has to learn that. Her eyes flutter shut as my lips graze hers, and I inhale her scent, I nibble on her bottom lip, feeling her gasp softly against my mouth. I press my lips more firmly against hers, exploring the shape of her mouth with slow, deliberate motions.

Her body relaxes slightly under mine, melting into my touch. I break the kiss,  "Come on, baby. Share with me." I murmur softly, my forehead touching hers as our breath mingles together. For a moment, I feel a flicker of hope, hoping that she'll finally open up to me. But her silence is deafening, and I can feel my frustration growing.

"Okay," I say, masking my disappointment with coldness. I step back, "so that's how it is.", giving her one last lingering look before walking into the bedroom. I sit on my side of the bed, feeling a pang of loneliness as I lie down. I lie there, resting my head on the pillow, and staring up at the ceiling. The room is silent, the only sound being the ticking of the clock on the wall. Every second seems to drag on forever, as if time has slowed down just to torment me.

I can't help but think about her, imagining her sitting in the balcony, alone with her own thoughts. Is she thinking about me? is she feeling as bad as me? I can't shake off the feeling of disappointment in my heart.

I toss and turn in the bed, unable to find a comfortable position. My thoughts are racing, going over the events of the evening, wondering what I could have done differently.

"Damn it" I say aloud, frustrated with myself. I look at the clock again, it's been an hour since I left her standing in the balcony, alone.

I turn to my side, facing the empty space next to me where she usually lies. It feels strange and uncomfortable being without her.

I close my eyes, trying to force myself to sleep, but it feels impossible. My body craves her presence, my arms ache for her. I can't bear this distance anymore. I turn to the other side. Should I go and bring her back?

I lie there, staring into the darkness, unable to shut off my thoughts. The room feels empty without her by my side. I miss her, I miss her touch, her warmth, her presence.

I try to shake off the feeling, telling myself that I need to stand my ground, that I can't give in so easily. But it's hard, so damn hard.  I hear her footsteps. I freeze, listening carefully. It's her, she's coming. I feel a wave of relief wash over me, but I try to hide it. I don't want her to know how much her absence has affected me.

She walks in slowly, her footsteps tentative, as if she's unsure. I don't turn around to look at her. I feel her side of bed dip as she sits on the bed. I can feel her eyes on me. She doesn't say anything, just sits there, the silence between us palpable. I can feel her eyes on me, studying me, probably trying to gauge whether I am asleep or not. Despite the tension in the air, I feel a sense of comfort having her this close to me. I love a little to indicate that I am awake in case she wants to say something.

"I am scared." She says softly, her voice hoarse, probably from crying. I turn around to face her, our eyes meet momentarily. She lies down on the bed, facing the other side.

I reach out to her, I hold her waist while intertwining our legs. I take her hand in mine, squeezing it to reassure her that I am with her. A sob escapes her mouth, I gently run down a hand on her back making her wince again. I take away my hand.

"Why are you scared darling?" I ask slowly.

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Author's note:
I hope you liked the chapter, I can't wait for you to read the next one. If you want you can check out next few chapters on Scrollstack, link in comment section.
Love:)