Lean on Me || Jill Roord

2. Tears Falling

I hated anything that resembled a hospital room for many reasons: one, they were too clean; two, they were always so bright; and three, I just don't like them, okay? Sitting on the physio bed, I stared at the wall debating my whole life shattered on the floor. I still couldn't believe I had torn my ACL.

I had zoned out the second Lynn, our physiotherapist, began checking out my knee. I hadn't heard a word she'd said to me the entire time either; I already knew the damage; I already knew my season was over. I don't think I zoned back in until the door clicked open, revealing Alanna with a pained look on her face.

A blank expression filled mine as my eyes met hers. "Oh Caro, I'm so sorry." I didn't respond; I still didn't trust my voice. "You know," Alanna began, causing me to turn my attention to her. "Jill scored for you." My eyebrows furrowed.

"She told me she told you she would score for you before you walked off. I'm not sure if you heard her though; I know you weren't really there." I gave her a soft smile, and I mean the absolute smallest one I could manage. Jill had scored for me. How sweet.

Before Alanna could say anything else, the door flew open this time and revealed worried, worried-looking Dutch players. I frowned, perfect, more people to see my season-ending injury. "Hey Caro, how are you feeling?" Jill asked carefully, as if I were going to shatter into a million pieces. I mean, she wasn't far off.

I still had no voice, really; I felt that if I talked, I might cry again. My eyes already hurt too much; I didn't want to cry again, so I just shrugged my shoulders. Jill frowned in understanding; it was quiet for a moment. All I could feel was Alanna, Jill, and Kerstin's eyes on me. It was terrible. Silence engulfed the room as Lynn worked on my knee. I glanced down at what she was doing, trying to focus on anything but the eyes on me.

"Right then," Lynn backed away on the small swivel chair she was sitting on. "You've most definitely torn your acl. I'm so sorry, Caroline. You'll have to get an MRI soon, and then we can schedule your surgery. Hopefully get you into recovery soon."

There it was, the confirmation that my season was over. My life was over. Everything was over. I was screwed. What was I supposed to do now? My knee is like broken.

"Caroline?" Kerstin spoke quietly. I glanced at her, seeing the look of sympathy. "It's fine. I'll be fine."

"It's okay to not be okay, Caroline. You've just torn your acl." Jill said comfortingly, but I couldn't recognise that. "I said I'm fine." That's all I could respond with.

"Could you all leave, please?" I silently pleaded.

"Caroline," Alanna started.

"No, I mean it. Please, just leave." My voice broke.

"Caroline, we just want to help." Jill argued.

"Just leave!" Anger filled my voice, but it was unconvincing. I had nothing left in my heart; after all, it had just been ripped out.

Jill went to say something, but Alanna stopped her whispering something in her ear, which made her frown. Ultimately she left, and so did Kerstin. Alanna gave me one last glance, but I couldn't meet her eyes. I knew she was mad at me for getting mad at them, but I couldn't help it. I knew she understood, but she'd still scold me on it later.

Lynn helped me back to the changing room, where Alanna sat waiting for me. I figured she'd probably give me a ride home. Once I was changed, Alanna took my bag and hers as I walked slowly on crutches to her car. I'd only used crutches once in my life when I broke my foot in secondary school.

The drive was quiet; if Lani said anything, I didn't hear it. I was too busy debating what to do with my life now that football was essentially over for nine months or more. How was I supposed to survive that long without doing the one thing I love more than everything? "Caroline."