Lean on Me || Jill Roord

37. From the Stands

The week leading up to our final league match dragged on, unlike the prior weeks. It felt like a heavy cloud had formed above everyone, and it hadn't dissipated in any fashion. Everyone was sluggish, everyone wasn't motivated, and everyone was also very agitated. It seemed like the team was running out of steam as we neared the end of the season—one final game looming over us and creating an anxiety that should've never been there in the first place.

What made things worse was that Jill had seemed to hit a wall in recovery, the same one I had hit quite early in recovery too. She didn't like the way her muscles weren't as strong before; she didn't like the way she had to spend endless hours in the gym, where she grew increasingly frustrated with herself. I felt powerless as I watched the mental battle begin to unfold within her head because I knew it was coming eventually. Long-term injuries were just as much a mental battle as they were a physical one.

Jill had begun to let it consume her as much as I tried to tell her not to let thoughts of discouragement creep in. She'd get testy with me, and I fought back the tears when she continuously chose hostility instead of honesty. It was like a slap in the face to all of the work we'd done regarding communication lately; all the effort I had put in was going to waste because she didn't want to accept the fact a majority of this recovery was mentally. She didn't want to hear it from me or the people around her, but I couldn't blame her. I couldn't blame her because I'd acted the same way; that's why it hurt. I realised how my actions had affected her, just like how her actions were effecting me. That's what hurt the most.

Despite it all, I'd still feel Jill crawl into bed and wrap her arms around me, murmuring a string of apologies as we both let the tears flow from our eyes. It was a vicious cycle I wasn't enjoying at all, but I'd go through it a thousand times if it meant I got to be close to her. And just as I'd cried my eyes out and began to feel the pull of sleep, I'd hear her Jill whisper that she loved me into the back of my neck as she pulled me impossibly closer.

"Do you think we'll win today?" Jill asked quietly from beside me as we walked the pitch in the early morning before the match. We'd been glued to each other's sides ever since we got off the bus, stuck in our own little bubble away from the team even if they were all around us.

"I have no doubt we will," I paused, letting out a sigh. "It's the goal difference that I worry about because that's what matters, and we'd have to have a full-fledged goal fest if we had any hopes of still winning the title." Jill hummed at my response, thinking about what I'd said and nodding her head after a moment, making my lips twitch up.

"Wish we could be out there to help." Jill took the words out of my mouth as a frown began to form on my lips. I was maybe a month away from making my return, but only time would tell if I'd actually get to go to the Olympics. Tony had been in close contact with me lately, and much to my dismay, I'd probably be an alternate. But miracles happen, and I intended on being in the Olympic squad. No matter the consequences.

"Yeah, me too." I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her into me in comfort. Something both of us needed in that moment.

"Have you heard anything more from Viv?" I asked. Changing the subject to something lighter, something I knew Jill was really looking forward to. Just as I expected, her lips twitched up and curled into a soft smile.

"She told me she's in talks with us, but it's all got to do with contract negotiation right now. They seem to be at a standstill, but I'm not sure." I hummed. Contracts for such high-calibre players often took a while, but if a team really wants a player, they'll figure it out. I mean, look at how long it's taking for Barcelona to resign Alexia. The uprising that's caused alone just shows the extensive time it can take to settle contracts.