Lean on Me || Jill Roord

19. Back to December

December 1st. A day that signals the start of the holiday season and my least favourite month of the year.

December 2022
Offseason was fully underway, and I couldn't have been happier that I finally got to enjoy the holidays. I hadn't been able to properly enjoy my breaks since I first started playing professionally back when I turned eighteen. Living in the US, these past couple of years had been hard both physically and mentally; luckily my stepbrother also lived out here, so I saw him as often as I could.

I was sitting with Allison watching Home Alone 2, a movie she'd shown me last Christmas when we first met. When Allison joined the Portland Thorns during last year's off season, she was assigned the vacant room since Lindsey Horan had officially joined Lyon. We hit it off immediately, and I knew she'd become someone close to me very quickly. And she did. It was a surreal feeling really; she was my defensive midfield pairing, and the way we worked together was something special. After all, this entire season led up to us winning the NWSL Championship.

But that's beside the point because ever since then something's been off; she wasn't talking as much; she was distancing herself, but she pretended it was fine. I glanced over at Allison, who was sitting at the other end of the couch watching the television with her full attention. I smiled softly before sighing and getting up. "Where are you going?"

"Kitchen." I said simply. Hiding the grin on my face due to her Texan accent.

When I returned, she had an unreadable look on her face that instantly made my brows furrow with worry. "Al? What's wrong?" She didn't respond right away as I sat down. I set my food down on the coffee table and reached out to gently touch her arm, but she pulled away rather quickly.

"Don't touch me." She said harshly. I practically jumped back due to the harshness in her tone. I wasn't sure where it was coming from.

"Allison? What's going on?" I questioned yet again.

"I'm done." She stated simply, voice firm. The furrow in my brow deepened, yet I could feel the small pit beginning to form in my stomach. "What do you mean?" I asked quietly, afraid I might know where this is going.

"This. I'm done with this." That pit that had formed in my stomach just tripled in size. "I don't want to be with you anymore. I haven't been invested in this relationship since before the championship game, Caroline. Did you know I cheated on you? Did you know I don't actually love you? Everything I've done is a lie. Nothing I did held any real meaning. This was only a loan trip for me. You didn't think I'd actually stay, did you? Caroline?" The venom she spoke with sent shockwaves through me, one after another in quick procession.

I was numb; I didn't know what to feel. She had cheated? She lied? How had I been so blind to all of this? Had our whole relationship really meant nothing to her? I couldn't believe it; I refused to believe it. "Did you hear anything I said, Caroline?" Allison was standing up now, staring at my dazed state. Tears were streaming down my face while her eyes were as dry as can be. Where had all of this come from?

"I asked you a question, Caroline."

"Was this all a joke to you?" I asked with a broken voice. My heart was shattered, broken pieces tearing through my lungs, making it impossible to breathe.

"I don't care about you, Caroline. Get that through your thick skull. Never once did I truly care about you, and I never will. I'm going back to Houston before the end of the month anyway. This was going to happen. You should've realised that."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I whispered, staring directly into her eyes.

"What?" She narrowed her eyes.