Lean on Me || Jill Roord

31. Home

Jill went home.

There's nothing to really say about it. It's not like I was going to stop her from going back to her native country to see her family and the people she cares about. I'm not a monster. Though I couldn't help the way it made me feel inside, like I wasn't enough. Like I wasn't considered home in Jill's eyes. It stung, but I understood. I'd done the same thing to her, except Jill, and I actually spoke about it this time.

When we woke up the next morning, we talked it out. She was set on going home, and I wasn't going to beg her to stay when I knew she was missing her family and just wanted to see them. They could help her in ways I couldn't right now, and I understood that.

I was the same way when I got injured; it's like you're suddenly gifted all this free time and you can actually go and see the people you love. It's unfortunate that this is really the only way we get breaks now; you've got to obtain an injury if you want a break from the hectic schedule. Quite sad that this is what it's come down to, but at the moment, there's nothing we can really do.

The two hours it took for Jill's plane to land and take off were the longest of my life. Once she texted me she had collected her bags and met up with her family, I let out a sigh of relief, one that didn't go unnoticed by Kerstin.

She had obviously talked to Jill about everything as well since they were close friends and national teammates. When I got home from dropping Jill at the airport, Kerstin was at my doorstep, Nintendo in hand. I was grateful she had come over most likely to distract me, whether it was on purpose or not; it lifted my sour mood.

"Has Jill landed yet?" Kerstin asked from beside me.

I glanced in her direction as I finished typing my response to Jill. "Yeah, she's with her family now."

Kerstin hummed, "That's good. She needed to go home." Her words made me frown slightly as I turned my attention to the window. No sunlight shone through today; rain has been falling nonstop since last night. "Caroline," Kerstin's voice dragged my eyes away from the window.

"It's not your fault."

I knew that.

"Caroline, look at me." I refocused my eyes again, meeting Kerstin's. "It's not your fault. Any of it."

"I know." I said quietly, casting my eyes down into my lap, where I was picking at my callouses.

Silence filled the room. Kerstin's Mario Kart game paused a while ago. I could feel her eyes still on me, but I wasn't sure I had it in me to meet them. "I just feel like I should've tried harder to not let her leave. Maybe if I showed her I loved her more, she wouldn't have felt like she needed to leave," I mumbled more to myself.

"She would've gone home anyway, Caroline. Jill loves her family more than anything in the world," she paused for a moment. "And you're slowly becoming something just as important to her. But you know she was going to see her family no matter what. It was just a matter of time."

"Yeah," I leaned back into the couch, stretching my back as I closed my eyes, blinking tears away.

"Jill loves you, Caroline; if she didn't, I don't think she'd ask you if it was okay for her to go back home. Let alone cry to you about it." I opened one of my eyes and glanced at Kerstin. She caught my eye and gave me a lopsided grin that made me roll my eyes.

"I guess that's true." I huffed before sitting back up and taking the outstretched controller Kerstin had offered me.

Mario Kart had become our thing in the team, and we were well known for being very competitive and maybe a little crazy at times. But we both enjoyed it thoroughly at the end of that day, and that's what mattered. In all honesty, it really helped take my mind off the stress of my ACL injury and any other issues in real life.