Lean on Me || Jill Roord

30. Cruel Reality

The air had been heavy ever since Jill had torn her ACL. It was like walking on eggshells around her because I didn't want to set her off, but I'd still end up doing it somehow. I knew she wasn't really angry at me, though. I knew she was just hurting, and so was I.

Jill's surgery wasn't scheduled until the beginning of February, which felt like a lifetime away and also might've been the root of all our problems lately. She wasn't used to needing help to complete simple daily tasks and wasn't adjusting to it nearly as well as I had. It made my heart hurt when she refused my help, but I knew she'd come around eventually because, beside the hard days, we'd still end up in the same bed. Where she'd cry into my chest and reiterate how sorry she was about her actions, and I'd simply hold her tight and whisper sweet nothings into her ear until she fell asleep.

Today was no different; Jill didn't want help and didn't like using the crutches. We were sitting on the couch as I was mindlessly scrolling through TikTok, shamelessly saving the occasional Jill edit that would pop up. Though what brought my attention back to reality was Jill trying to hobble to the bathroom without her crutches yet again.

I frowned before calling out to her. "Use your crutches, Jill! You have them for a reason." I knew she heard me, but she didn't acknowledge me and continued probably making her knee worse without using her crutches. I sighed before clicking the television on and mindlessly scrolling through the channels. I couldn't focus on anything; I was worried about Jill.

When she returned, I glanced at the clock, realising I had to leave for physical therapy soon, but I found myself not wanting to leave. I studied Jill's face as she watched the screen in front of us; it was obvious she was in pain, but she was trying to mask it. I needed her to realise that she didn't need to mask it in front of me; I didn't want her to feel like she had to. "Just go, Caroline. I'll be fine." Her words cut through me like a hot knife cutting butter. They hit me harder for some reason; maybe it was the way she used my full name.

"Are you sure?" I questioned worriedly as I stood up.

"Yeah," she mumbled quietly. More so, trying to convince herself more than anyone, which made me frown in empathy. I moved in front of her and leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead, which put a ghost of a smile across Jill's face, and that was enough for me to feel okay about leaving her for the afternoon. Even if I didn't want to.

"How's Jill?" Daphne asked as soon as she closed the door behind me, and I made my way towards the bench to set my things down. I hadn't seen Daphne since Jill got injured, but I knew she'd been informed by either Lynn or John; probably both.

"She's..." I began, trying to find my words. I couldn't exactly describe how she was feeling because I wasn't in her mind. And it's not like she'd really opened up to me what was going through her mind right now; she'd been really detached ever since, and I knew when she was ready we'd talk. I just hoped it was soon. "I don't know. She's dealing with it." I said simply.

Daphne hummed in thought while motioning for me to sit on the physio table so she could stretch out my knee. It was silent for a moment as Daphne thought deeply about what I'd said; she was actually the first person I told about Jill and me outside of Ellie and Daan. "She'll talk to you when she's ready."

"I know," I paused, biting my lip. "It's just hard when I know exactly what she's going through, and I don't want her to go down the same path I went down."

"That's understandable, but she's also her own person. If she wants to withhold her emotions that's her own choice. All you can do is be there for her." I frowned, not liking the fact that Daphne was right. "But knowing Jill, she'll open up to you. I know she will." Daphne was right again. Jill wasn't the type to withhold her emotions until she exploded; when it got to be too much, she'd talk to someone. In the beginning, I'd catch her on the phone with Viv speaking swiftly in Dutch that I didn't understand at first. Afterwards, when we'd watch a movie together or just simply hang out, she'd get touchy, simply craving connection, and then she'd talk to me about what she talked to Viv about.