Confusing Twists | A Warrior Cats AU

Chapter 16

: Friendship And Other Things :

An: This is your one and only trigger warning for self harm/s*icide. Themes of both will be present at some point forward.

Ashfur sat alone. He was waiting for Brambleclaw to return to camp.
He had finished his tasks early so now he just sat alone sadly.
Do something with your life. StarClan you're pitiful. Ashfur flattened his ears to his head.
He suddenly shot up as Brambleclaw’s patrol returned.
Brambleclaw nodded at him and walked off. Ashfur sat down. He and Brambleclaw couldn't be seen so excited around each other.
Thornclaw eyed Ashfur. Then he padded over to him. “Mind if I sit here?” he asked.
Ashfur blinked in surprise. “N-no. Go right ahead.” he stammered.
Thornclaw nodded and sat down beside him.
Ashfur felt hunger gnawing at him. He hadn't eaten since yesterday. And that had been only a few bites of rabbit. He was acutely aware of how skinny he was.
Thornclaw was watching him intently. “Ashfur, when was the last time you ate?”
“Yesterday, why?” Ashfur narrowed his gaze slightly.
Thornclaw didn't respond, but a worried look crossed his face.
Ashfur didn't like that look. It was the look Brambleclaw subconsciously gave him.
I hate it when cats waste their time worrying about me. They have better things to do. I'm not worth their concern. Ashfur thought.
It was getting more difficult to do things, though. Now that he was going on patrols. The miniscule amount of food he ate wasn't enough. It didn't really matter though, he wasn't going to starve to death.
“Well Thornclaw, I see you're still interested in Spiderleg.” Ashfur remarked, catching the ginger tabby watching Spiderleg.
Thornclaw turned back to him. “Spiderleg is. . . Something. He's a terrible father, but he's also just. . . I can't explain it.” he shrugged.
At least there are cats that care about Spiderleg. Ashfur thought. I don't deserve for anyone to care about me.

Ashfur laid in his nest. His gaze trained on the roof of the den.
Why am I even still here? I have everything I want. . . I don't deserve it. Brambleclaw deserves much better than me. I'm useless. I can't even hunt because I'm half blind. Maybe it would be better if I died. . . Then Brambleclaw could find someone better. Ashfur just laid there.

Ashfur sat up. He looked at the cut on his paw. It wouldn't be visible unless someone was really close to him.
Brambleclaw might notice. Ashfur didn't want to worry him.
He walked out of the warriors den, he tripped. That was becoming normal, for him to trip and fall as he left the warriors den.
Ashfur hissed with irritation and stood up.
He heard some cat mutter. “Serves him right.” it was Hollyleaf, and she said it to Lionblaze.
Mind your own business! Ashfur thought angrily.
He headed over to Brambleclaw, who was sorting patrols. Thornclaw was there, as expected.
Brambleclaw looked up as Ashfur walked over. “Good morning, you're coming on a hunting patrol with me and Thornclaw.” he informed him.
Ashfur blinked. “I can't hunt.” he responded plainly.
“You haven't even tried.” Brambleclaw pointed out.
Maybe if I fail badly enough at this Brambleclaw will realize he should just leave me. Ashfur was almost hopeful at the thought. It would be better that way.
“Where is all this self hatred coming from?” Vixen’s voice sounded.
It's not self hatred if it's the truth. Ashfur responded bitterly.
“Ashfur. . .” Vixen sounded beyond concerned, they sounded scared.
Ashfur didn't respond to them. He just followed his patrol out of camp.

Ashfur spotted a mouse. He crouched down. Ashfur knew he wouldn't be able to catch it but he figured he should try.
Ashfur prepared to pounce on the mouse. He bunched his muscles and then lunged, he ended up landing a mouse length away from it. The mouse squealed and rushed away.
“That was a good try!” Brambleclaw called encouragingly.
Ashfur flattened his ears to his head. “Thanks.”
Brambleclaw trotted over to him and nuzzled his cheek. “You had nothing to worry about. You'll be hunting great in no time!”
Ashfur purred a little. Brambleclaw was so perfect. Only StarClan knew what he saw in Ashfur.
Ashfur’s legs suddenly felt weak. He staggered. Brambleclaw pressed himself against him.
“Ashfur? Are you alright?”
Ashfur tried to respond but a blinding pain coursed through him. He collapsed to the ground, darkness swirling around him.
What's happening?! Ashfur thought, panicked.
Darkness enveloped him and he passed out.

Vixen watched. They didn't regret what they had just done. They weren't going to do nothing. Vixen knew causing someone to pass out was questionable, but it was the only thing they could think of without directly telling Brambleclaw what was happening.

An:
I'm not going to lie. I actually cried while writing this chapter.
Ashfur officially has depression.