all the what could've been

CHAPTER I

I was walking my dog on a typical day with my headphones on, minding my own business, careless of what others think about me walking with my pajamas on at 9 in the morning. I was casually walking when I passed by a tree that holds a big part in my life, I sat on the bench beside it and cannot help but laugh as memories came rushing back.

"Good old days," I told myself while shaking my head. I was about to stand up and continue our walk when Chewy suddenly ran. "Hey Chewy! Come back here this instant!" I yelled but she didn't listen. I stood up and got ready to catch this naughty little dog when I saw who she ran into.

"Why are you still in your pj's, dumbass?" he frowned his head while petting Chewy.

"Why are you so dressed up this early on a Saturday? And how'd you know I'm here loser?" I asked while raising my eyebrows at him, I mean he's not dressed up like someone in tuxedo, but he's dressed nice in a white button up and a pair of khaki shorts.

"Don't tell me you forgot?" I looked at him with confusion and he frowned even more. "So that's why you weren't answering my calls, Calista. We have a lunch date. You're aging, Calista Martinez!" I was left in shock as he came closer shaking his head while laughing. "Let's go, you take too much time to get ready," he grabbed me and we went to his car, while I'm still in shock.

"You, dumbass! Why didn't you fucking tell me?" I yelled at him and he looked at me with a 'don't blame me' look.

"I called you 18 times Cali! It's not my fault you forgot," he laughed again.

"Just shut up and drive Lucas. I still don't know what to wear," I whined and frowned at the road back to my house. I hate myself for forgetting about this lunch date and even more for forgetting about what date today is. You're such a bad friend Cali!

"Why do you have to worry about that Cali? I mean you look beautiful in everything you wear, I'm looking at you now in your pajamas with your hair all messed up, but you still look beautiful. Don't worry about being late, we have all the time," he reassured me which made me smile.

We drove for 10 minutes and I went straight to my room and took a bath. I don't know how I got ready that fast, but I walked downstairs and looked at the time.

"11, just in time," I smiled and looked at Lucas. He's staring at me intently which made me uncomfortable. "Don't look at me like that, dumbass!" I said as I punch him. He laughed and ignored what I said, instead he came closer and tucked some strand of my hair behind my ear.

"You look so beautiful in that dress Cali," he sincerely said and smiled. I'm wearing a white, flowy, sleeveless dress that just hits right above my knees.

"For all I know, you're only saying that because you're the one who gave me this," I rolled my eyes and he laugh.

"Of course," he smiled and I rolled my eyes at him. "Not. Of course not. You really look good Cali, with everything you wear," he smiled at me sincerely.

"Whatever Lucas! Let's go?" I wrapped my hands around his and got out of the house.

We drove for a few minutes and was greeted by the smell of the beach.

"Oh my gosh, Lucas!" I squealed in excitement.

"I knew you'd be happy," he smiled

"How'd you know?" I asked with such enthusiasm even clapping my hands which made him laugh a little while shaking he's head. "Hey! Answer me," I demanded

"Come on, Cali. You wouldn't stop blabbing about the beach lately, so I decided to take you to the beach today. Happy anniversary!" He smiled and I smiled back at him.

"Happy anniversary, Lucas," I greeted back happily and he pinched my cheeks

Lucas opened the door for me and we went to the beach. He held my hand for support while the other carried a picnic basket. I smiled when thoughts clouded my mind.

"I wish to hold your hand for the rest of my life, Lucas."

He stopped walking and let go of my hands at a coconut tree.

"Stand right there, I'll lay the mat," he commanded. After laying the mat, he tapped it signaling for me to sit down.

I looked at him, letting myself enjoy the moment and drown in his eyes. Zoning out, glimpse of the future flooded my mind, future that I want, future with him.

"Hey, what are you thinking?" he asked gently, his voice that's so dear is like music to my ears.

"Nothing," I smiled and shook my head.

"Okay. Now, close your eyes!" he said with such excitement so I gladly close mine. "You can look now," I opened my eyes and was greeted by a velvet box.

"Lucas, what's this?" I asked, grabbing the box with a mix of curiosity and excitement.

"Just open it and stop asking, will you?" I rolled my eyes and opened the box while still looking at him. Inside it is a gold necklace with a paw pendant. I looked at him with such emotion, I hugged him tight and he laugh. "Chill, woman! You're strangling me!" He laughed.

"Thanks Lucas! I'm so happy," I said, still hugging him.

Our day went on, savoring every moment. As the sun sets, a song from a nearby restaurant played, 'Kiss Me by: Sixpence None The Richer.

"Can I have this dance?" He asked, offering his hands which I gladly accepted. "You look so beautiful Cali," he said as we swing, his right hand around my waist while the other is holding my hand with such care.

"And you look so handsome, Lucas," he smiled shaking his head.

We cherished every lyrics of the song, dancing through every beat, careless about other people, building a world where the only people is us. He pulled me closer and I laid my head unto his chest.

"I wanna dance with you through every love song that's ever made. I wanna sway with you, till my feet grew tired. I wanna hear your heart's every beat. I wanna be this close to you forever, Lucas."

I can feel my heart ache, thinking about the things I want to do with Lucas because I know that it'll never happen. I'm just his mere best friend of 8 years and I know that someday, somewhere, somewhat, he'll fall in love with somebody, somebody who's not me.

I know what people might think if they could hear my thoughts, but I cannot tell him, I just can't. Being with Lucas makes me forget the world around me, being with him makes time pass by quickly, being with him is my escape from reality; but with every good feeling I feel whenever he's around comes with thoughts of 'what ifs', 'what if I confess?', 'what if he feels the same way towards me, but what if he doesn't?', 'what if I take the risk?', all these and many more creeps in the back of my mind and I can't help but think of all the this that could happen after, making me lose my mind.

"What are you thinking of?" Lucas whispered, waking me up from my thoughts.

"Let's go home. It's getting late," I said as soon as I cleared my throat. I pulled away from the hug and walked away with a basket on one hand.