Keep marching forward // Dnd stories/oneshots

But It's So Hard, My Love

The sea was beautiful, well, Kal thought so. He stood at the edge and watched the waves; he should be happy – well he is happy. He got his dream, to travel with his... partner.

But he couldn't help but feel like he didn't deserve this. He should've been dead years ago. He shouldn't be able to live this life, the others had tried so hard to give him a life, a good life – and yet he felt like he shouldn't have it. It felt selfish to think that way, he didn't want to think this way, but he couldn't help it.

Either he should be dead or still under Ar'eth, that's what he deserved, for everything he'd done that's all he deserved.

He shouldn't be able to eat again, sleep was hard – he was plagued with nightmares, and he supposed that was something he deserved. Constantly seeing images of the things he'd done – his sister's headless body – Kal took a deep breath; he was spiralling and he knew it.

He looked around, it was hard to see – it was late. there was some crew – it was odd for people not to judge him, some of them were glancing at him and then talking to each other. It wasn't odd to see Kal at the edge, he just usually wasn't alone unless he felt horrible. He looked back at the sea.

It would be so easy to jump.

Kal let go of the handrail and took a small step back, taking a shaky breath in. He heard footsteps approaching him, then a hand around his waist, "Kal, you alright?" no, and Koa knew that too. Kal turned to look at Koa and tried to smile, trying to make Koa believe he was fine. Koa wasn't stupid, he pulled Kal into a hug – kal didn't deserve this man. He returned the hug, burying his head into Koa's shoulder.

He was not going to cry, not on the deck. Not around others, "am sorry, ah wasn't gonna do anythin', darlin'" Kal mumbled, it wasn't entirely a lie, he wasn't planning to do anything. He held onto Koa tightly before moving away from the hug and glancing at the sea.

"'s pretty tonight, dont'cha think?" Kal said, it was a pitiful excuse of a distraction, but he didn't want to cry, at all. Koa hummed and wrapped his arm around Kal's waist, pulling him closer.

"It is, babe," Kal smiled a little, relaxing in Koa's grasp. Koa was so kind; he wouldn't ask unless Kal brought it up – and Kal was thankful for that. Kal was so thankful for Koa, "like you," Kal laughed a little, now Koa was just being sweet.

He was probably just trying to make Kal feel better, that's what Kal thought anyway, "you don' gotta flatter me, treasure," Kal says, turning around in Koa's arms to be face to face with him. The pet name always made Koa blush, and while Kal couldn't see it right now, it was probably cute. Kal loved this man.

He loves Koa so much.

Kal doesn't deserve to be happy like this. He looked away from Koa, he knew his smile had fallen – but Koa had seen him at worse points. Kal wasn't surprised when Koa let go, nor when Koa picked him up, princess style – this was consistent. Kal had grown to like it, and Koa hadn't dropped him yet, "What did ah say about manhandlin' me?" Kal complained, but he was smiling – Koa made him smile.

"Ah, sorry, I forgot" Koa rolled his eyes, beginning to walk to their room. The crew glanced at them – they had seen this many many times before. It still made Kal nervous, hiding his face into Koa's chest, he heard Koa laugh and mumble "Cute" and Kal would deal with that later. Kal was not cute.

When they made it to their room Koa put Kal down, Kal was annoyed by the lack of warmth but didn't say anything, Koa opened the door and went in. Kal stood still for a moment, he still struggled to believe this was real. He followed Koa inside and walked to the bed, sitting down – periodically glancing at Koa who was removing his clothing, and getting ready to sleep.