The List

20. "Why was I so stupid?"

20. "Why was I so stupid?"

Connor and I have met up at least one or twice a week since our sleepover and honestly, I've been enjoying myself so much these last few weeks that I'd forgotten about my brain tumour and the seriousness of the time I have left.

Sometimes during the day, a weird feeling overcomes me; as if to remind me that all this could be gone in an instant; all these precious, loving moments with the people that make my life complete. And that scares me the most.

Whenever I'm alone; I just think about it and how unfortunate it is. Every night it bugs me; thinking I may not be here in the morning; stopping me from being able to go to sleep. Every day I have to remind myself to live every single day like it's my last.

This precious time; ticking away.

It hurts. Both physically and mentally. It's like the brain tumour is eating away at me. I've been getting more headaches, tired quicker, feeling dizzy and sick.

I also can't stop thinking about in about a week's time it is Mum and Dad's death anniversary. I haven't really talked to Harry about it yet. But it's constantly bugging me; a niggling thought in my brain. Like an itch.

"Emily, can you get me a glass of water," Harry shouts from the sitting room; lazing on the sofa as he just got back from work.

"Get it yourself, you lazy ass," I shout back jokingly.

"For fuck's sake Em, just get me a glass of water," he says angrily.

"Alright, calm down," I mutter, grabbing him a glass filed with water.

I hand it to him, "What's up with you?"

"Nothing Emily, now will you please just go away?" he says, not even looking at me.

"Calm the fuck down," I say storming upstairs.

What was wrong with him? Why did he have to take his anger out on others?

I go upstairs and grab a grey pullover, my bag and phone; before going back downstairs again.

"I'm going out; I'll be back once you've finally calmed the hell down," I shout, opening the front down.

I get out my phone and text Connor.

"Hi, you free," I ask.

"Yup, what's up?"

"You mean, what's down? Meet me at the Perfect Scoop?" I cringe at my shit attempt of a joke after I've sent it.

"I'll be there in 10 x."

I love walking down by the beach when I'm angry. It's honestly so soothing; it's like it release stress; the sound of the waves, the smell, the people around.

Whenever anything happens or I ever want to get away; I'll either be at The Perfect Scoop, or on the beach.

I go and wait outside The Perfect Scoop for Connor; sitting on one of the wooden benches; overlooking the beach from up high. And it makes me feel a whole lot better; refreshing my brain.

A few minutes later; I see Connor approaching; dressed in black skinny jeans and a white pictured vest.

"Hey," he says giving me a quick hug.

"Hey Con," he takes my hand and leads me inside The Perfect Scoop, telling me to find somewhere for us to sit.

I go to the side of the shop that faces out towards the beach; showing the stunning view. I take a seat on one of the stools; before Connor comes back with two ice cream cones in hand.