The List

23. Feelings and Emotions

23. Feelings and Emotions

It was now a few weeks later and Connor had come round mine for the afternoon considering neither of us had anything better to do.

After the incident, Connor and I had been glued together; he was like my unofficial security guard. But on a more serious note, we had been hanging out a lot more- we'd constantly either be at the beach, at his house or round mine, he had started sitting next to me at lunch- the first few days, I got really strange looks from everyone, but they soon seemed to forget, also I wasn't getting picked on or bullied anymore which makes a change. In fact Cameron had also been keeping his distance which was unusual. But like last week it looked like he smiled at me, in the end I think he was smiling at the girl behind me but I thought it was quite strange.

"Hey, I've got to get home in a bit, fancy going for a walk?" Connor asks, as I'm currently lying in his lap.

"Yeah, sure. I need the fresh air. I might sit on the beach and draw, let me go get my diary and phone."

I run up to my room; pulling my phone of charge, shoving it along with my headphones in the front of my hoody; you know the like large pocket thing.

Before grabbing my diary/ journal and a pen and pencil from my bag; I leave the room.

"To the beach," I shout, pointing towards the door, in a superhero fashion.

Connor still laughs at my stupid attempt to be funny.

On the way to the beach, Connor seems on edge. It's strange.

When we get to the top of the beach, right near The Perfect Scoop; we stop and sit on the wooden bench overlooking the beach.

We were talking about films we had recently watched when Connor stops.

I look at him confused; instead he takes both my hands and holds them in his.

"This has nothing to do with what we were talking about but. Emily I've been meaning to tell you this for a while, but I was erm. Fine, I was really nervous about what you'd say. I like you. And I mean not as a friend; wait, yes as a friend, but more," he says nervously; looking at me as if waiting for an answer.

"I, I, erm," I stutter.

He looks into my eyes; and before I can figure out what's going on, the space between us gets smaller and smaller. And suddenly; Connor's face is inches away from mine.

And what worried me the most was doing absolutely nothing to stop him.

He places his right hand on my cheek, and his left on my waist, bringing me closer to him. And soon enough, his lips touch mine; they're soft and he tastes like chocolate, considering that's what we ate before.

My hands make their way to his neck, one hand resting, the other in his hair.

At that moment, I remember this shouldn't be happening, none of this. In a few months I wasn't going to be here. We couldn't have feelings for each other, it isn't right. I'll break his heart.

I pull away by pushing my hands on his chest lightly, both of us breathing heavily. However, strangely I'm craving his touch again.

Suddenly his lips attach to mine again; granting my thoughts.

"Stop," I mumble; through the kiss, putting my hands on his chest, my voice hoarse. He doesn't hear me; because I speak so quietly.

"CONNOR, stop, please," I say louder this time, fully pushing away from him; tears forming in my eyes.

Instantly; he stops, "What's wrong beautiful," he says, holding my face, "Was I going to fast; I'm sorry, I should've stopped," he rambles.

I didn't deserve him; I didn't deserve any of this. I led him on; why, why, why.