Bookmarked - A Rodrick x Reader Fan Fiction

Chapter 11 - It Is Not Your Fault

You weren't sure how much your aunt and uncle knew of why you were visiting them for the summer. But you now knew that Rowley knew why you were here.

After you both had stopped crying in the kitchen last night, you sat together on the couch, and told him everything. Your love for psychology. Wanting to become a child psychologist. Meeting Dr. Leto, head of the department, randomly at a bookstore. You both spoke about the work he was doing and discovered an internship based around genetic mental illness You joining Dr. Leto and his research team. The excitement and pride you felt that the work you were doing was important. Working closely with Dr. Leto as a test subject to get your name added to a research study. The fallout soon after agreeing.

But Rowley just listened. When you got to the end of your story, he just sat in silence, staring at the floor. You both knew that wasn't going to be a way for you to fix this. Everything was screwed up because you were naive. Never saw the signs. Never thought to. You did what you did, opened Pandora's box, now desperately trying to shove that evil back in.

"It's not your fault." That was all Rowley said. You watch as his eyes flick from the floor, into yours. He was crying as well. He was always the one. He could tell in your writing when things weren't going well. He didn't need to see you or hear your voice, he could just tell. You were years apart, but he knew you. You were cousins and he felt like a brother at that moment.

You never realized how mature he was. The way he carried himself. You kept seeing him as that little kid who swore he was a secret agent. Or a wizard. Or whatever character for whatever game you played. He moved away to Plainview and you didn't see each other much after that. But that didn't mean you stopped being friends.

He grabs your hands.

"It's not your fault, [Y/N]." His voice echos once more. You wish you could believe it's true. You begin to cry again. He grabs a tissue box for you, offering you one. You take it. God, blowing your snotty nose after crying was always the worst, wasn't it? How embarrassing that so much liquid was coming out.

"Hey, it's not," he says, "you didn't know any better. You were doing what you thought was right. There were adults in that situation who should've taken care of you. Protected you." You nod in agreement. You know in your heart it's still your fault, but you were the adult then too.

And you're an adult now.

"Okay," you say, sniffling. "We need to be responsible here. You have your last day of sophomore year in about... five hours. You need to go to bed. I need to go to bed to prepare." You stand up from the couch, your legs having slightly fallen asleep. You lean from foot to foot trying to restart blood flow and not feel the uncomfortable pin pricks.

"Prepare for what?" He says, standing with you.

"Prepare for the best summer of our lives, of course. I don't know how long I'll be here for, so we need to make the best of it. Get to bed, I'll drive you to school, and we can plan out summer. Together." You smiled and it was genuine.

Rowley nods and you both head upstairs together, still careful to not wake his parents. Stopping at his door, you put your arms around him once more. And you hold him. And you hope that he never has to go through what you went through.

Pulling away, you go to your room, next door. You stop yourself before entering, hanging onto the door frame. You both stand there, in your own doorways, smiling at each other. You nod your head and close the door.

You didn't know how long you'd be here for. You didn't feel any better about your situation, but here was Rowley, willing to forgive you.