𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 | 𝘑𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘒𝘭𝘦𝘪𝘯

Chapter 33 - Is This It?

"Lenny! Hallo!", Sanne answered my phone call.
"Hey", my voice broke, trying my best to keep it together,"Are you home?"
"Yes, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
I dodged her questions: "Can I come over? I'll take the next flight."
"Of course!", she replied confusedly,"Text me when you're on your way."

I booked the first flight available to Amsterdam. I had to leave this place right now. Ellie understood, she wasn't upset at me for leaving early. So I sat at the Dublin Airport at 3 in the morning, waiting impatiently.

"Flight AA639 to Amsterdam is now ready for boarding at Gate 14. Please have your boarding passes and identification ready for inspection."

The notice made me lift from my chair. I couldn't wait to be away. After finding my seat, I relaxed.
No sleeping was done in the past hours. The incident occurred early into the night. It sent me straight to the hotel and to where I was currently.

——

Sanne picked me up from my destination airport. Amsterdam was not close to Leeuwarden, plus I hadn't told her the reason why I was here too. Though I believe my tear stained face and red eyes gave away that I needed the help. I was thankful for her.

We arrived at her house, the familiar sight of the Frisian house caught my attention. The blonde led me to a guest bedroom that was already set up. "Get comfortable, love. We'll talk in the morning when you've gotten some sleep, does that sound alright?", she suggested.
I nodded tiredly: "Thank you so much, Sanne."
"No problem." With a smile she left me to rest.

——

The lovely warm coffee steam rose from the cup in my hands. Sanne accompanied me on the couch. We stayed in reticence, the rain against the windows served as background noise. I was certain she didn't want to pressure me. However, I was desperate for advice.

"I fucked up, Sanne."
"How?", she asked gently. I avoided her peer.
"After my show in Dublin, I met up with my friends from there...", I started to explain the whole story, not a piece of information left out,"...and then I called you."
Her mouth was agape, unsure of what to say. My tears didn't make it easier for her. Sanne wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me into her side. That sent me sobbing into her shirt. I felt helpless and disgusted by my own behaviour.
"Lennon, please believe me when I say this. I do not blame you. He kissed you, not the other way around. It's not your fault."
"But that still makes me a cheater, doesn't it?"
My lips quivered as I said it out loud for the first time. "No, it doesn't. Cheating is only when you voluntarily do something with someone else."

Our conversation was interrupted by the living room door opening. "Lennon?"
"Hey Coen." I tried to wipe my tears away.
"What happened?", he questioned me worriedly.
"I che- well I- Honestly-", I stuttered.
Sanne worded it for me: "She got kissed by someone without her permission."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Does Joost know?", Coenraad interrogated more. Both Sanne and I shook our heads.
"You should talk to him. Keeping this from him will only push him away."
"I know", I rubbed my face in oppression.

The doorbell rang, making Sanne exit the room.
Muffled talking could be heard but I didn't question it. Getting the dried up mascara stains off my skin was more interesting to me.
My head shot up though when a familiar utterance came to my ears. Joost stood in the door frame with the exact same shocked expression as me.

"Joost..."
"Yeah fuck no."
"Please-"

I couldn't finish my sentence because by then he had left. My legs were quick to move. He rushed out into the pouring rain. At first, I stopped but when he kept walking I chased after Joost.

"Joost please!"
"No Lennon, I think we're done talking."
"Please listen. Give me one minute."
He breathed heavily, stopping to listen nonetheless. I sighed.
"He kissed me. I did not kiss him. There was no consent from my side. I've told you before, I've never felt something for Rob. Please, you have to believe me."
"I don't know. It's kind of hard when there's concrete evidence of you kissing him."
"But I didn't! I pushed him away as soon as I realised it." The pain in my heart was obvious.
He was quiet. It didn't look like he was planning on saying something. "Please come inside, you're going to get a cold." Joost's drenched state pushed my motherly instincts. I walked up to him slowly. He didn't move. "I don't know, Lenny."
My heart sank even further down. His eyes scanned the street, not daring to look at me.
I begged: "No please. I can't live without you."

His hand took mine. It was shaking.
"Maybe we need some time. By ourselves. I don't want to hurt you. Know it's for the better.
I love you, Lennon. Always."
"But you are hurting me", I strangled out.
A stray tear ran down his cheek. I was fast to catch it with my thumb and rest my hand there in the meantime. "Don't cry please."
Joost looked away again.
I searched his face for answers: "How long?"
"I don't know." My hand dropped from his jaw.
I took a step back. The rain mixed with my tears. My wet hair clinged to my face, my clothes tight against my body.
"I will wait for you", I whispered, trying to hold back sobs.

Joost came closer to me. He pushed the wet hair behind my ears, stiffening at the contact.
I frowned. A tenderly soft kiss was placed on my lips by the blonde man in front of me.
"I love you. Go inside, you'll get sick."
His smile was weak. I bit my tongue, holding back anymore tears. "I love you too."

His touch left my skin tingling. My ears bled as he stopped talking. Joost walked back and turned around the corner after a few steps.
I could physically feel my heart break into a million pieces.

Is this it?

——
A/N
please don't kill me guys
everything will work out i promise xxxxx