𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 | 𝘑𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘒𝘭𝘦𝘪𝘯

Chapter 52 - Guilt

"Joost will be disqualified from the Eurovision Song Contest."

"What."

Her words rang in my ears. My brain was near exploding from the amount of thoughts I had. I swallowed hard, my wide eyes piercing through her soul.

"How- why?", I held onto my chair, knuckles switching to white as I tightened my grip. My eyes flickered to Joost beside me who examined the floor tiles carefully.

"A reporter accused Joost of assaulting and making threatening moves towards her after his performance tonight. Normally this would not lead to more than a warning, unless we have enough evidence for it, which there is. We have debated the issue and agreed on a disqualification. We are deeply sorry. This is for the safety of everyone, I hope you understand."

I sceptically shook my head.
"He would never do that", I stated sternly,"You know he wouldn't."
The woman exhaled: "Opinions do not matter when there is concrete evidence."
"Show me then."
"Pardon?"
"Show me the so-called evidence", my tone was aimingly harsh.

Not a single word that left her mouth got to my head. I didn't believe her, at all.
She opened her mouth to say something, looking taken aback by my request. But she closed it again. I tilted my head at her silence.

"I apologise, Lennon. There is nothing I can do for you. The decision is terminated."

I laughed in disbelief, stood up and pointed a finger at her: "No! You can't do that. He worked so hard for this. Joost is the reason this year's Eurovision is getting the amount of attention it has been receiving, you are well aware of that. If you had proof, you would've shown me. You are just trying to kick him out for being him-"

Joost reached for my shoulder to turn me around as he cut me off. I stared, mouth agape and fresh tears falling.
He breathed deeply.
"Stop Len, it's okay. Please. Don't put your own chance at risk for me", he tried.

I wanted to protest. I wanted to throw everything away and punch her in the face and insult her to the point where she would call it off. But I remained silent. Joost was right. He may be out of the contest, I wasn't. I had to win for him. I had to be the one to fulfill his dreams.

——

The night was cold, extremely cold for May.
There was a possibility of the cause being the given circumstances.

With Joost's elimination came the end of his stay. He wasn't allowed to be in the arena for the rest of the event. He wasn't even allowed to linger in our room for the time being.
Joost was ordered to leave.

I refrained his inclination to leave and go back home. There was no way I would be able to do this without him. I needed him.
Thankfully, Joost gave in and booked a hotel near mine. Teun, Apson and Stuntje did the same.

Joost and I sat on a bench. The reticence between us dug into our distanced bodies.
It was excruciating. He hadn't been talkative since the EBU's declaration. I had stopped trying to build up a conversation hours ago. He needed time and I had to accept it.

"I should... probably go. Get some sleep, Joost, it's been a long night", I softly said as I raised from my seat on the wooden slats. The freezing Baltic air blew through my hair, tangling the strands. He glanced up at me for the first time in a stretch of time. The glossiness from his crying made me feel guilty.

It was partly my fault, wasn't it? I should've stayed with him after 'Europapa.' I was to blame for leaving and not being a witness of the situation. Though I doubted they would've believed me, more likely accused me of being biased. Still, I wasn't innocent.

"Baby", Joost stopped me in my tracks before I could turn around and leave,"Please, stay with me."

My eyes locked on our intertwined fingers. I didn't dare to focus on his pleading face. Maybe I was guilt-tripping myself, sure. Nonetheless, those were my feelings and I had to come to terms with them on my own.