𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 | 𝘑𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘒𝘭𝘦𝘪𝘯

Chapter 56 - Something Big

Eurovision had ended two weeks ago, for most of the contestants that is. By winning, I automatically signed up for tons of interviews, invitations to events and more festivals. I would never complain about being seen by people and having attention on my music, there was just something I had barely any control over that kept me on edge.

My body had been acting up more than during the contest. I blamed it on stage fright and the anxiety that came with Joost's incident but as time passed, I grew more confused. My mornings started with my head hanging over the toilet, the rest of the day with being constantly tired and stressed. I tried to play it down and excuse it. Oddly for me, I had been able to hide it.

Not only Joost who wasn't even in the country, but Ellie, Alanis and the rest of our friendgroup didn't know. I felt bad to say the least. Hiding my health issues from the closest people to me was not right. The consequences of my actions were, I had to figure it out on my own. Or so I thought.

"Lenny, we're leaving in 10!", Ellie called from the living room.

I was invited to be on a podcast. It focused on the indie scene in the 21st century which I loved to support. My best friend had put out an outfit for me to wear, sparing us the time I would need to pick something out myself.

"Oh for fucks sake", I cursed under my breath. The dress was too tight, and it was mine. I had bought it not too long ago.
Ellie leaned against the doorframe: "What's taking so long?"
"I can't-", I pulled harshly on the fabric,"I can't get this shit on." Ellie raised an eyebrow and with one last pull, the dress sat on my hips. I huffed, that was like a workout. "I've been so bloated lately, I swear nothing fits me anymore."

The blonde girl frowned: "How? You haven't had a cigarette in weeks and your meals have been getting less with every day? There is nothing you could be bloated from."
"I don't know", I took a glance at myself in my full-body mirror,"Guess I'm just stressed...or something like that."

"Lenny."

I hummed in response. She was silent for a moment, I started thinking I imagined hearing my name.

"Have you... taken a test?", she hesitated slightly. I was irritated by her sudden question.
"No? I'm not pregnant, Ellie."
"How would you know for certain when you haven't taken one yet?"

My eyes pierced through her soul. The annoyance of the moment crawled up my back. I shook my head. No words came to mind to defend myself, instead I left the room and put my shoes on. Ellie's loud sigh was very apparent to my ears. I would lie if I said I hadn't considered it. I was scared.

——

"How has life been treating you after Eurovision?", Julius asked me enthusiastically.

He seemed very passionate about his podcast and I loved it. His questions were genuine and it felt like a regular chat between friends, even though we didn't know each other before today.

"It's been extremely busy, I don't think I've had a quiet minute for the past weeks but I try to enjoy it. I'm so grateful to have such a big audience and I definitely don't want to take a step back now."

"That's brave of you, I probably would've broke down after a few days", he laughed contagiously,"Is there something planned for the upcoming months? Like a tour or even a sophomore album?"

I took a moment to think about what I could reveal and what not: "I won't say too much but after the festival season, later this year, I have some exciting projects coming up. Though I also have to plan around Eurovision next year since I will be hosting, you know."