𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 | 𝘑𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘒𝘭𝘦𝘪𝘯

Chapter 40 - Applications

"I did it, I sent it", Joost announced, throwing his phone on the couch. A weight lifted off his shoulders as he said that, it was prominent.
My fingers caressed the back of his neck as I drew him into a hug. A sigh fell from his lips.
"I'm proud of you, they'll love you."
My words caused him to tighten his grip on me and nuzzle his head further into the crook of my neck.

Joost's application for Eurovision 2024 was officially in the hands of the Dutch public broadcaster AVROTROS. I was nervous. It wasn't even mine but he had worked so hard for this. Joost deserved it and I was positive of his success.

There was a small secret I had been keeping from him. It seemed unfair to me. My label, without my permission, contacted the NDR. They were in charge of the German ESC contestant. Apparently, submissions were low and unconvincing for the next year. What does that have to do with me? Right, I asked them the same question.

They saw me as a promising candidate, submitting multiple songs I had been working on these past months. Again, without my approval. I even questioned if it was legal but it seemed to be. So that made me a potential Eurovision participant. Knowing about Joost's dream, I didn't have the heart to tell him. Would I ruin it by competing? Would he be upset at me?

——

My boyfriend was in for some 101Barz rap session in Amsterdam. I decided to stay home and spent time with Sanne instead.

The summer air hit my lungs. It was a nice day. We sprawled out on the furniture standing on the patio. There wasn't much talking from both of us, simply soaking in the sun and enjoying each other's company. My untold truth bothered me though. I couldn't quite relax. Sanne was someone I trusted fully, yet I didn't know how she'd react.

"Spit it out", she instructed me,"I can see you want to say something."
I gave her a tight-lipped smile as I sighed in defeat. "There's something I haven't really told anyone."
"Are you pregnant?"
"What? No!"
"Oh, I thought my gut feeling was right", she sat back in her corner of the couch, slight disappointment noticeable. I shook off her reaction and continued.

"Well, my label submitted an inquiry for me to go to Eurovision and represent Germany but I know how it's Joost's goal and he's so close, I can't bare the thought of competing against him. I don't have a say in this anymore because it's already through. I didn't even agree to this, Sanne!", I rambled, overwhelmed with guilt.

Her eyes softened: "Aww Lenny. Why are you such a good person? Do you not want to or are you just scared about the Joost part?"
"No", I shook my head,"It's not like I wouldn't want to participate. Wouldn't it make me a bad girlfriend for basically attaching onto his dream?
It's his dream not mine. Joost is so ambitious to win and used up his energy to get to this point, they hand it to me like it's nothing."
My worries were visible on my grimace. Sanne pulled me into a hug.

"You aren't a bad girlfriend for taking opportunities. Talk to him. I promise, I know my little brother well enough to say: he won't be mad at you."

I threw my head onto her shoulder, her sisterly advice always pushed certain buttons in me. She knew what to say in every situation. It felt so simple yet I needed her to confirm my feelings like a therapist.

—Instagram—