𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 | 𝘑𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘒𝘭𝘦𝘪𝘯

Chapter 8 - Car Park

Since admitting my feelings to Alanis and Ellie, I've been writing consistently. It's like I was finally able to call this feeling by what it was and put it into words. Only 2 days had passed but somehow I had already written 6 songs. Would they all make it to the album? Probably not.
But this is how I cope.

One of those songs was called "Car Park", in which I talked about a specific memory and also my adoration for him. I was scared of Joost not reciprocating these feelings.

Wednesday, 02:34.
Joost and I sat in my car in a strange-looking car park. We had driven around Berlin, aimlessly.
"Cherry Wine" by Hozier was playing quietly as background noise. Though Joost and I had a very different music taste, we never complained about the other's choices. We even found out we both shared the same love for Mac Miller.

"Can I ask you something?", I requested carefully.
"Of course, always", he looked at me with a tint of worry in his eyes. I fiddled with my hands because I couldn't tell if my question would be too personal.
"I saw a video of you at Pinkpop this year, you were singing this song, I think, it was called 'Florida 2009'? And I was wondering- since you know I don't understand that much Dutch, what is it about?", I rambled. Joost's eyes softened as he cleared his throat.
"It's a poem I wrote about my parents. I didn't know how to deal with their passings and coped with that instead. Almost every song I write has something to do with my parents but I wanted to make a song entirely about them. I talk about what I miss about our life and how I miss home", his voice broke a little,"I miss them a lot. And I feel like they're drifting away from me more and more everyday. I don't know how to keep them alive knowing they won't come back." His voice was shaking, his eyes glossy with tears threatening to fall. Without a second thought I pulled him into a tight embrace.
He let it all out, choked sobs escaping him. Joost buried his head in the side of my neck. I could feel the tears spilling on my skin.
"You keep them alive by being you, Joost. All their love and memories are kept alive by you and your siblings sharing them. They're not leaving", I said sternly, pointing to his chest,"They are right here." Now I was becoming emotional too. I can't see others in pain. He pulled me into another hug.

Breaking away from him, I softly wiped his tears away when he grabbed my hands that sat on his face. He held them tightly in his own.
"Thank you for being with me, liefje."
I gave him a sad smile: "I will never leave."

I'm planning on showing the song to my producer. I barely ever told him the story behind my songs, only what vibe I wanted to achieve. Most of the time he still understood the emotions of the song.

——

"This is incredible, Lennon", my producer gaped. I had played him "Car Park" immediately after I arrived at the studio, I needed to get it off my chest.
"I was thinking to put this on the album but release it earlier as a single? I haven't released anything in months", I suggested.
"Yeah, that's a good idea. Maybe we can get it done this week and see when the best release date would be."
I agreed cheerfully. I've missed releasing regularly and the excitement coming from my fandom but I was working hard on the album, my songwriting block not helping at all.

So here we go.

——

Thursday came crashing like a wave.
Besides the making of "Car Park" I've kept writing and brainstorming. I had well over 50 songs hidden in my vault now.
Here I was at the studio again where I've been spending at least 18 hours a day. The good news is that we were almost completely done with the song. Today, Stevie and Victor would come in to help with backing vocals and then we would only have to master it.

"Holy fuck, Lenny, this is so good", Stevie said when she first heard the song in full length. She had played the bass line, of course, but back then the song wasn't nearly finished.
"Yeah, how did that happen in like 4 days", Vic added.

They proceeded to record their vocals, harmonising with my main recording, melting perfectly together. This song had come together better than I expected.
We listened back to the whole song, seeing if we had to make some changes but besides some final editing my producer had to do, it was completely done. I asked for the demo, as one would expect, and headed home for the day.

——

"I'm back!", I applauded coming through the door. Ellie sat on one end of the couch, reading, as Teun sat on the other end on his laptop, probably working. He gave me a small wave.
"Ellie, I need to show you something", I urged her with a cheeky grin. This made her purely curious.
I whipped out my phone with the demo and clicked on play.

Ellie listened intently to the song. Focusing on both lyrics and the instrumental at the same time. The song finished and Ellie gasped at the last two lines:

I keep on thinking it'd be nice
to want, to want you all the time

"Girl you are so down bad!", she giggled.
"I'm not!"
Teun interrupted us with a confused smile:
"That's really nice, who is it about? I thought you were single."
"I am", I confirmed nervously. I didn't know if it would be weird for him since he knows Joost very well. Thinking for a moment, I finally conceded: "It's about Joost."
I locked my eyes on my lap as fast as I could, not wanting to see Teun's reaction.
When I opened my eyes slowly, he was smiling so hard I wondered if his cheeks hurt. I tilted my head in confusion: "What?"
"Oh nothing, I'm just happy!", he cheered.

——
A/N
the song is by Nieve Ella again!! go listen to it, one of my favs by her <3