Yu Jin Chang An (With Jin's Chang'An)

Chapter 42

"Will you be with me?"

Li Shuang couldn't answer this question, not because she didn't know how to, as the answer was right in front of her. She just didn't know how to articulate it. But after a long silence, she finally said, "I won't be with you." Her words were clear and precise, as sharp and cold as her style of commanding thousands of troops: "After I enter the palace, I won't leave the palace, nor will I return to the General's mansion. You'll be alone."

Jin'an looked at her, his black eyes reflecting the morning sun, with subtle fluctuations in his gaze, revealing the suppressed turmoil within.

"Is it because..." He pondered for a long time, speaking cautiously as if afraid of startling Li Shuang, his voice hoarse, "I will hurt you?"

"It's because I have my own burdens and responsibilities," Li Shuang replied. Seeing Jin'an's gaze, she felt a pang in her heart, unable to bear looking any longer. She intended to turn away, to end this conversation. Just as she was about to leave, her wrist was suddenly tightened as Jin'an grabbed hold of her.

"I'll help you," he said. "I'll carry your burdens and responsibilities for you."

Li Shuang's heart trembled, her eyes lowered slightly. She closed her eyes and sighed, "Jin'an, no one can help me."

Li Shuang spoke the truth, but when she saw the hurt in Jin'an's eyes, she couldn't help but feel a pang in her chest. Was there any way?

Should she wait until they arrived in the capital and then tell him amidst solemn surroundings?

She gently pried open Jin'an's fingers. "Rest well. We'll depart for the capital tomorrow. I'll be outside. If you feel unwell, call me immediately." With that, she exchanged a glance with Wu Yin and they both left the room.

Jin'an sat dejectedly on the bed, staring at his empty palm, silent and motionless. He was too quiet. Neither Li Shuang nor Wu Yin noticed that as they left, Jin'an furrowed his brows for a moment and brought his hand to his temple.

During the day and night, Qin Lan descended from the mountain with a thousand elite riders left behind. Wu Yin arranged for the Five Spirits Sect members who would accompany Li Shuang and Jin'an the next day. Jin'an remained in the room without making a sound. Li Shuang, without a shred of pity, didn't go to see him.

She sat on the edge of the Five Spirits Sect cliff, holding a jug of wine, drinking into the late night. The scent of alcohol permeated her clothes, but Li Shuang remained terrifyingly sober throughout. She gazed at the moon above Mount Nanchang, feeling the warm breeze from the south, smelling the scent of grass and earth. She knew that this return to the capital would mark the end of everything, whether it was the battles and horses of the frontier or the mountains and bright moon here in Mount Nanchang.

Li Shuang fell asleep clutching the wine jug that night. The next day, when Wu Yin came to wake her up, pinching his nose with a disgusted expression, he said, "Grand General, you really don't take care of yourself."

Li Shuang glanced at him, then looked behind him. There were five or six Five Spirits Sect members scattered around, with Jin'an standing at the back. He was dressed in the coarse clothes given by the Five Spirits Sect, still looking like an adult, not much different from an ordinary person, except for his slightly pale complexion.

Li Shuang didn't think much of it and said, "Once you're all ready, let's head down the mountain."

Wu Yin asked, "What about your belongings?"

"I don't have anything to take," she replied.

She had come alone originally, and now that she could bring Jin'an back, she had achieved her goal.